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(Battling the flu. Thinking of Lao
Tzu's Tao Te Ching, number 5:
“Heaven-and-Earth is
impartial; / It treats all things as sacrificial straw-dogs. /
The
sage, too, is impartial; / He treats all people as sacrificial
straw-dogs. /
The space between Heaven and Earth seems a / Bellows:
it is empty, and yet it is inexhaustible; /
The more it works, the
more comes out. / Whereas more words count less. / Better to hold
fast to your center.”)
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Giving up
Inside the flu—
Nothing so natural to do
As slow my heart, unbind
my head
In a bundled still, in an
anywhere bed.
I fell asleep on the floor
after lunch,
Rug wet by my opened
mouth.
Didn't mind much. I wasn't
mind-into anything really:
I still liked my room, but
The space seemed silly;
The space seemed silly;
Still collected music,
But it hurt to listen;
Still called my lady,
But we weren't kissing.
I speak this dream to no
one, still I let it enter.
Better to be silent—and hold close to the center:
My tongue's a spoon, my
hand a cup,
Everything pours in after
Giving up.
I read this in a very literal way and I appreciate the acknowledgment of being sick and how it really affects someone. When you are sick and you miss things or fail to take care of your responsibilities it is ok because you are sick. The moment you are no longer sick you are forced to pick up right where you left off with no buffer. No one has any remorse for you because you are no longer actually sick. Even though your work load was massive before it becomes even bigger but its okay because you are no longer sick. It doesn't make you Superman, though. It is normal to feel like giving up. It's normal to feel overwhelmed. I think the warning at the end is also a very important reminder. Everything pours in after giving up, when you give up things only become worse. Giving up is not a permanent relief, it is only temporary.
ReplyDeleteIt is also interesting and important to note the part about it being a dream. We hold so much in and fail to share how we are feeling. Even thought we are so overwhelmed by everything and we complain about it, is it fair to complain when no one even knows you are suffering? Can we blame people for not helping when we don't give them a reason to worry? At some point though we must also become self sufficient. If you rely on others for everything you will never find happiness or satisfaction in your own life.
I actually meant the end-line in the opposite way: "Everything pours in" is a good thing, in my book :)
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