There is wood in these walls—
under plaster and paint.
Who chose gray for the waiting room?
I suppose, yeah—
it's the color of wait.
There are stones under this floor—
past cement, wires: rock-bottom.
In that way, like a bug flying against
the window pane—
thump, drop: forgotten.
Behind every surface—
gray, sterile, still—
something is growing, or breathing, or moving:
locked in, but twisting
with its own quiet will.
They extracted all my teeth—
in a bright, buzzing theater—
while father (back in a gray room) told them,
“He doesn't do meth...
he just really likes soda,”
but I neither
Know nor care
about saving face—
“Yes, yes” the doctor is nodding
while her eyes roll back
over a thousand parents' lies:
she knows
why I've been rotting.
And the four denture anchors, she says—
as she drills them in my jaw—
will give my bones work to do,
so they won't shrink.
Eyes at me: “That's a living law:
Use it or lose it.” I lost my soul for a bit—
I put it on a shelf,
burning nights away on 'soda.'
But I have bone down in these gums,
still clacking
with their “feed-me” drive—
even behind white denture walls.
I have to
remind
myself.
"Had a Tinder-date with C today—a friendly woman who manages two health clinics for neck-and-above injuries {except for the brain...that's another specialist}. She said that she had been bored to tears at a seminar yesterday, about braces. So I asked her “What excites you, then; what do you nerd out on?” She said, “I like things that make people's lives better—new technologies.” And then she gave me the example of these new denture implants that are drilled into the jaw—which keeps the bones working so they don't atrophy, the way that jaws of old folks with traditional dentures do...shrinking with disuse.
ReplyDeleteSo she told me the story of this boy, in his early twenties, who came in with meth-mouth, completely rotted out. And the father told this story to save face. And then they extracted all his teeth and put these dentures in: she said he looked transformed, despite his thin skin and sunken eyes. But then the boy never came back after his initial one-week check-in... “So who knows if it helped him—his parents dropped $20,000 for the surgery and another $20,000 for the fitted dentures, but for all I know he's dead now.” She realized, immediately, this wasn't the best example of why she likes these new technologies, so she switched to the story of an old man and wife... After the surgery, he walked in with his old dentures in a bag and handed them to her: “Thank you,” he said, “this has changed my life.” ... But the first story hung in mind"
– 17 January 2016
This poem was extremely powerful, touching on something many people in the world don’t like to talk about or acknowledge: addiction. The first two stanzas were especially important to what I felt was a theme of the poem: concealment. Underneath every surface is a deeper, more raw foundation. For the hospital waiting room, it’s the natural wood covered by an artificial gray plaster; for the ground, it’s a core of stone and bedrock. The same applies to humans when we put up a front that society is allowed to see when deep down there is the truth of ourselves that we conceal. The wood and stone of the hospital waiting room parallels the core of our being that we plaster over with a fake identity that is meant to deceive those around us. What I also thought was important about this idea was the fact that the facade people put up eventually misleads our own selves and makes us forget who we are. The speaker did this himself, by putting his soul “on a self”, something I thought could also be interpreted as putting his own needs on hold just to satisfy this aching desire for meth, a desire that he himself seems to despise.
ReplyDelete“‘That’s a living law: / Use it or lose it’” was a very powerful line that I think was deliberately ambiguous. The “living law” could refer to the illegality of using meth, or it could be read: the law OF living, which would imply that as a living, breathing human being it’s a simple concept to follow society’s rules and protect your own soul from exploitation by corruption. The unclear “it” that the doctor refers to could also be in reference to the next line about the speaker putting his soul on a shelf. The doctor is judgmentally saying that the young boy can use his soul and protect it, otherwise, he may lose it permanently.
"the four denture anchors, she says—as she drills them in my jaw—will give my bones work to do, so they won't shrink. Eyes at me: “That's a living law: Use it or lose it.”"
DeleteJawbones. That's what the 'it' refers to. Doctors generally shy away from speaking in unclear riddles about their medical procedures ;)
I like how this poem dances around the central idea of addiction whilst adding comments that help characterize the speaker. It gives the speaker personality and allows readers(like me) to fully connect with the speaker even though I’m not an addict myself. “Who chose gray for the waiting room?”. A question that essentially doesn’t matter but allows the readers to see how nervous and vulnerable the speaker is to go into the dentist’s office. It makes the poem flow more as a story with a plot than a poem. If it had just gone into the extraction of his teeth, it would’ve lacked a sense of personality and build-up that there is when you’re in a waiting room. Which is something that everyone has done one time or another. Except this time the speaker reveals a darker truth which takes readers by surprise. The actions in the poem come off as quite casual even though what is happening is truly disturbing and sad. However, what is sadder is that his father refuses to acknowledge that his son is struggling with a serious issue and even rejects the idea that his son could be doing meth while all of his teeth are being extracted. There is a sense of “ignorance is bliss” even though it seems his son is rotting right in front of his eyes. Yet, what I think is the worst part is after the father denies his son’s relationship with meth, that the speaker doesn’t have the energy or care enough to refute the fact. “But I neither know nor care about saving face”. I think this is the most disturbing part because it proves that the son has lost interest in trying to change his father’s mind and almost allows him to bathe in his addiction because no one seems to notice or care enough to intervene.
ReplyDelete"...no one seems to notice or care enough to intervene." Really? His dad is there with him. Paying for the surgery. The dentist clearly understands what's going on. I think there's probably a lot of people who care about the speaker ... the real challenge, as you're pointing at, is how much he cares about himself: his will to live (under the plaster, floorboards, dentures).
DeleteYes this is true. However, even though his father is there with him and supporting him financially, he hasn’t begun to accept his son’s disease or work with him to fight it. He simply ignores the bigger issue and instigates the speaker to continue down this treacherous path.
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ReplyDeleteThe poem begins with the speaker describing the room around him (the walls, the floor, every surface, etc.). This made me (as the speaker) feel removed from the situation in a way that left me feeling almost entirely powerless, completely in a state of observation. I was surprised in stanza number three when the poem transitioned from observational to personal. Although this drastic change in the focus of the poem was sudden and unexpected, the feeling of powerlessness still remained with me as I continued to read. The speaker still feels powerless to participate in conversation with those around him (and is perhaps incapable of doing so). This constant sense of powerlessness helps to amplify the feeling of powerlessness in the latter half of the poem. This powerlessness, although evoked through the speaker’s inability to do anything other than observe the emergency room (and those inside it), also relates to the obvious surface meaning of the poem: addiction. In my opinion, this connection helped me feel more connected and engaged in the piece. The feeling of powerlessness as the patient, helped me realize the feeling of powerlessness as an addict. And by the way, I hope that the “soda” referred to was Coke, that would be funny.
ReplyDeleteI love how the poet uses imagery to convey the feeling of hiding something. With every secret or addition, someone buries it within them, beneath a surface, and does not ask for help. Under the paint, there is wood that is kept hidden covered with a gray color. The gray walls can represent something being ambiguous, since gray is a mysterious color that evokes an uneasy feeling due to its uncertainty. Furthermore, it goes into detail about the stones under cement. Cement is hard to get to, like the problems people hide, and people often forget that there are stones under cement, like how we do not recognize that everyone is going through something, even if one does not act like it. The bug flying against the pane and then left to oblivion is like when someone is trying to reach out, yet cannot get their point across and is left to forgotten with their struggles still trapped within. Everyone at some point feels trapped within and trying to get out and I think the poem perfectly captures what it feels like. I think the bee is significant because bees are usually known as annoying and whenever I have a problem and I try to get help, I feel like I’m irritating someone.
ReplyDeleteI believe the poet is trying to convey the feelings of addition and what one goes through. The doctor and father blame the kid and look down upon him, but they do not know that inside he is fighting an internal battle with the addition itself. He is trying to escape, like the bee, but no one helps him. It twist and eats him alive. He has lost all of his teeth and hit a low point in his life. The doctor is giving him advice; however, he needs more support and for people to stop making excuses for him. He is going through this all alone with no one to help him. I think it would have been cool for the poem to start off on a high, like if you were on meth, and then quickly spiral down, like the user. Explaining the the addicting feeling, but then how it is not worth the consequences and withdraws. Additionally, how addition makes someone their slave. Overall, the poem accurately describes the loneliness one faces when they struggle with addition.
I think it would’ve been cool if the poet added more detail about the setting. It would have added a scare factor into the poem because addition is scary and what someone has to do to get over it is terrifying. The lonely hospital walls and dry buildings someone has to go to almost makes it all not worth it. I have once visited a friend at a rehab center for youths and it is absolutely terrifying. They do not offer help, they just do what society and the law tells them to do: the bare minimum. Just visiting the place made me never want to go above and beyond my limits. I think this is a crucial factor in addition because people go to these places and get no help, they’re just scared and lonely. Adding this would not only add to the loneliness tone the poem gives off but the horrifying feeling someone gets when they are addicted, especially when they try to help themselves and experience withdraws.
Re-write it, perhaps? Make it the poem you think would've been cool.
DeleteShow us this vision: what it sounds like, looks like in words...
Recovery- February 14,2019
ReplyDeleteThe poem Recovery creates a vivid image in my mind and takes on a depressing tone concerning an event that may have happened to a loved one. When I read the very first stanza, I noticed right away that this was different due to the structure of the poem. I also felt that I could strongly relate to this poem through my own experiences in life.
The structure of this poem seems to twist and turn making it initially difficult to follow as I am used to interpreting a passage’s literal meaning. However, reading the poem, one notices in the very beginning, it deals with the theme of secrecy. When I first looked at the beginning stanzas, I thought it had to do with the lost of a family member as the first stanza depicts a waiting room. But, as you read on, it addresses a much bigger topic that deals with addiction. Everyone is addicted to something whether it be drugs or another thing on a less harmful scale.
This poem really spoke out to me as it reminded me of a time when my grandmother was dealing with a smoking addiction and how it affected not only her, but our entire family. My grandmother was an avid smoker and often went through multiple packs a day. One afternoon she was rushed to the hospital and after a battery of tests, it was discovered that she had lung cancer. I remember sitting in the sterile hospital waiting room wondering what was going to happen to my grandmother as the doctors were discussing treatment and next steps. After awhile, I was able to enter her hospital bedroom and she promised to put the cigarettes away. I can picture her putting her last packet into a the cabinet drawer, closing the drawer, hoping that she was serious about her intent to stop smoking and rid herself of this addictive habit.