Woke up,
Couldn't move my
Neck. It's. Still a little stiff. Well,
I rub Your back always.
So I Wonder if you Will
Rub my neck Today,
If I can sit still
For that Kindness:
giving's Been, in A way,
Its own kind of
Wall, and Blindness.
For I've got So
good–at–Pouring
That taking in
Feels strange,
And if I'm giving
more than
You've asked
Of me... well,
then Me is Resisting change.
And that Is
its own kind Of self-
ishness. And
That is
It's own kind
Of Greed.
And that is
its Own kind Of
vine-clingy evil:
That I Have to
lay claim to
Your need.
And if
someone should
Challenge
My ways
Or my motives, I
Mortar
Them: “Look how
I bleed!”
(I feel my neck. Stiff as
Your back. We all
bleed.)
The aspect of human nature that this poem focuses on is narrow in that I believe few people consciously contemplate the interactions of giving or recieving and its implications. The speaker’s struggle with himself and his subject reveals a paradoxical point: giving too much of oneself to another can be selfish. Ironically, the same affection that he bestows upon another, he is uncomfortable with “I rub Your back always./ So I Wonder if you Will / Rub my neck Today,/ If I can sit still”. Despite the speaker’s more than willingness to provide comfort to another, he cannot handle it himself. Upon further contemplating his own satisfaction out of giving, the speaker sees the fault giving more than wanted “And that Is/ its own kind of self-/ishness.”. Though the idea is counter-intuitive, this poem reminds one that another person’s experience with oneself dictates the effectiveness of kindness one may exude.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of giving and receiving between two people is discussed here. Relationships are about sacrifices but sometimes those sacrifices wane off. The speaker in this poem is experiencing this instance with someone he cares about. The paradoxical idea that one person can be selfish to another person by giving too much is at play. So often, people emphasis that a person can never give enough but this poem sheds light on the fact that there is such a thing as too much. The speaker wonders if the times are changing for the ways in which relationships exist or if it is his partner who is changing the ways of giving and he thinks, “if I’m giving / more than / You’ve asked / Of me… well, / then Me is resisting change”. The structure reminds me of a cliff - beginning with a gradual slope downwards with the first two stanzas and then dropping off sharply with two smaller points to stand on. This structure looks like the physical representation of the theme that is central to this poem; first giving too much too soon, then backing off with a gradual decline. Paradoxical concepts dealing with giving are outside the realm of how people tend to think about relationships.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is concerned with the dual relationship between getting care from others and providing care to others. Specifically, the speaker notes that the level of care that he puts into others is not reciprocated, and that he has grown accustomed to such despite wishing that such care would be reciprocated. Furthermore, the speaker realizes that any such freely provided care, while it seems selfless, is quite self serving in its own way. As the speaker muses “Well,/ I rub you back always./ So I Wonder if you Will/ Rub my neck Today,” it is clear that there is tension between the speaker who “always” provided the physical care of back rubs and a person who is less inclined to provide such care, even occasionally. Unused to receiving care the speaker notes that “taking in/ Feels strange,”emphasizing the fact that the speaker receives less care in the relationship than he gives out. Realizing that “if I’m giving/ more than/ You’ve asked/ Of me… well,/ then Me is Resisting Change [...] its own kind of vine-clingy evil:/ That I Have to/ lay claim to/ Your need,” the speaker reflects on the idea that even giving care to others is in itself a selfish act, especially if those others do not want such care.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, the entire poem has an amusing structure that parallels a neck slowly limbering and then stiffening again. The stiff, choppy diction at the head of the poem (“Woke up./ Couldn’t move my/ Neck. It’s. Still a little stiff”) flows into the middle section where the sentences are more continuous and many of the middle of the line capitals disappear (“And if I’m giving/ more than/ You’ve asked/ Of me… well,/ then Me is Resisting Change”), and the poem ends with the terse phrases echoing the beginning (“(I feel my neck. Stiff as/ Your back. We all/ bleed.)”).
The speaker in this poem has developed a device to maintain his connection with his lover while also constructing a wall to avoid the possibility of becoming vulnerable. By constantly giving and pouring in kindness, he does not have to become reliant on the other person and therefore protects himself from possible suffering. While the concept of giving normally carries a positive connotation, in this case, the speaker is giving too much. Therefore, his actions cannot be perceived as selfless but rather selfish because they serve as a benefit for himself and not his lover. However, this form of selfishness also comes with a price, as the speaker is incapable of asking for a neck rub and has to suffer a lack of reciprocated kindness as a way to not relinquish control.
ReplyDeleteMy initial reaction to this poem was that it illustrates the coexistence of two opposites: selfishness and selflessness. The most basic example I can come up with off the top of my head is the Christian idea of rewarding a life well lived with a good afterlife, and punishing a sinful life with an eternity of pain. I’ve always thought it strange that this encourages Christians to act selflessly throughout their lifetime in order to go to heaven, which is, inherently, selfish. But that’s just a random example I came up with off the top of my head.
ReplyDeleteThe poem begins with the speaker waking up next to someone, presumably a lover, and rubbing the person’s back, like he always does. The speaker’s own neck is stiff, and he wonders if his lover will rub his neck, or rather, if he “can sit still/For that Kindness:/giving’s Been, in A way,/Its own kind of/Wall, and Blindness”. The connection between Kindness and Blindness (as the only two words in the poem that rhyme) demonstrates the speaker’s understanding that he has grown so accustomed to “giving” that he no longer is willing to accept anything in return. In a sense, he has become blind to both the meaning of true kindness as well as the kindness of others. Furthermore, the speaker later states that when he gives more than is asked of him, he does it out of selfishness. He explains, “that is/its Own kind Of/vine-clingy evil:/That I Have to/lay claim to/Your need”. This statement clarifies the fact that the speaker feels a need to be needed by another person. Therefore, he selflessly gives himself over, providing acts of kindness of care without any desire or expectation for these acts to be reciprocated, wishing only that this will make him a necessity to this other person. Thus, all of his acts of kindness and selflessness are, in reality, selfish.
This selfishness goes one step further when the speaker asserts “And if/someone should/Challenge/My ways/Or my motives, I/Mortar/Them: “Look how I bleed!”. I interpreted this exclamation to mean that if his actions are ever questioned by his lover or anyone else, he can point to all of the selfless things he’s done in his defense. This, again, is simply another aspect of the innate selfishness behind his acts of kindness.
I do not think this poem is limited only to a relationship between lovers, but I do think that it illustrates this type of relationship particularly well. Between some people, there is such an overwhelming desire to please and to be needed by their ‘significant other’. Therefore, the kindness they exhibit without any expectation of reciprocation, perhaps initially seen as selflessness, is actually a manifestation of their own selfish desire to fulfill the other person’s needs. This raises the question of whether or not this is actually a bad thing. Are acts of selflessness, in spite of selfish motivations, good or sinful?
This poem is extremely relatable to me, and I think I can apply to many people that I know. The split form of the stanzas makes the poem read almost like it is a conversation between the two people involved in this relationship, though it seems that the speaker remains the same throughout. The back-and-forth is reflected in the visual structure, as the person debates and converses within themselves. I see a lot of myself in this poem, in the giving up so much, when in reality, the perceived martyrdom is selfishly motivated. This poem encapsulates the idea that love is, in some ways, an ironic gesture. Even though the love a person gives is intended to benefit the receiver, it is often given out of some bit of selfish need on the end of the giver. The last line, “We all bleed,” sums up the damage this sort of relationship, with one giver and one takes, does even with the best of intentions.
ReplyDeleteThe desire to feel needed, hidden under the veil made by the kindness of a gesture. The power an act of generosity can inflict over another is as intoxicating as the feeling of worth after completing it. Because it feels good to be needed. We want others to rely on us, to accept our gifts and our favors so they can give us that self-motivation that we lack inside ourselves. It’s “its own kind of selfishness” and many simply exacerbate it unaware of these “sins of giving”. Everyone knows that person that is just a little too unaware when things are go from adorable and well-mannered, to uncomfortable and invasions of personal space. Whether it’s an offer for a ride home or an awkward back rub, the quiet courtesy of these actions are overshadowed by the malicious intent hidden underneath. Some see it as a way of being nice without being genuine, some don’t understand the meaning of personal space, and many don’t understand what it means to have too much of a good thing.
ReplyDelete"Everyone knows that person ... Some see it ... some don’t understand ... " Where are you in this soup? Why do you do things? You make a lot of broad "we" claims, that yet sound very specific and personal. Where are you in this soup, Ian?
DeleteThe unconventional layout of this poem was one of the first things that I noticed when reading it because it gives the feeling of an intimate conversation between two people. Additionally the enjambment throughout the stanzas contributes to the discomfort of the speaker and the image of brokenness that repeats in the poem. Despite the clear contrast and distance between the two people in this poem, the last stanza groups both together and shows that the pain is mutual. The imagery of bleeding and stiffness represents the danger of a relationship in which one person has the power over the other. I also found the title to be fitting because of the contrast in connotations that “sin” and “giving” have. This reminded me of the idea that all things have unforeseen consequences.
ReplyDelete