JK Relationship Principles ...

(throwback - May 2015)

*Shout only to cover distance.

(without a careful voice, even kindly-defined words

burn off their kindness)

*Be honest with yourself about what you are saying.

(A demand decorated with 'Please,' a critique decorated with 'Thank you,'

are still a demand and a critique.

Only the simple center,

what you really mean,

resonates in your partner's heart.

So if you want to show them love

and appreciation, do it there)

* When the air feels still, ask about feelings.

(You don't have to talk about hearts when they're in sync,

but if you don't know where

your partner's heart is—

call out to it)

*When eyes look distant, talk about dreams.

(unspoken hopes

grow into discontentments;

small, hope-rewarding plans

grow into joys)

*When touch turns tedious, dedicate some time to making room.

(Moments spent in solace

revive everyone's desire to have company.

Cherish the edge of missing your partner,

so that you will never take their hand for granted.)

*You have a choice: be honest to improve this shared world,

or be honest to spread your own frustration—

endeavor for the first.

(When a puppy pees on a rug,

if you lovingly show that animal

the proper place for such acts,

it will see both your love and its own special duty.

Or, if you shake that animal vigorously

and rub its face in the mess,

it will see both your violence and its own failure to please you.

Both are honesty; one is kind.

And we are all puppies.)

*You have a choice: listen to learn more deeply about another person's experience,

or listen to find an opening for telling your own story again—

endeavor for the first.

(The longer you pay attention to a person,

the more you realize how little of their complex inner life

you can see from the surface—

you will always be a learner

in their presence.)

*You have a choice: believe that your partner knows little,

but wants you to be happy;

or believe that your partner knows everything,

and does things because they enjoy your anger with them—

act accordingly.

(Only those who claim to be mind-readers

can be held accountable for honoring your thoughts. So …

Forgive and accept slips that are not worth mentioning;

explain and redress acts that are unacceptable.

There is NO third category,

of things that need to change,

but need not be mentioned.)

*Say your piece on a topic once in a day;

from there, build on your words by actions.

(Conversations are like roads,

meant for traction.

Don't circle;

go forward.)

*Place sneezes and gas-clouds, dropped heels and swung elbows, mindfully.

(Every road in a partnership bends toward the common center:

just because your partner wasn't there

the last time you looked,

doesn't mean they aren't there now,

or won't be there soon.)