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| {That day I learned my ass could break a hairbrush, 2015.} |
My veins fill too tight.
I feel like a headache's
coming,
Just dreaming about your
hunter eyes
quick-twitching (to keep me
running).
I spent years not-sure if
being
hunted'd make me stronger
—soon.
Now—
I'm nervous; heart-skin
feels
stretched-thin like a
water balloon,
Just wanting to step
closer, so your
eyes will blur, too soft
to attack again.
I spend this second
remembering
how in-love, I was
stronger
then.
"Just read an Atlantic article from 2014: “Masters of Love.” It talked about the research that my girlfriend and I participated in, at a couples-study in the UCSB psychology department. For me, that study was the beginning of me understanding, concretely, what had left me feeling discontented in our relationship. They played me a video about destructive versus constructive response styles that couples exhibit in relationships. I laughed: it seemed like a parody of my girlfriend and me—the woman saying, “I'm gonna go visit my sister to see her new baby,” and the man getting all excited for her; the man saying, “I got this job promotion offer at work,” and the woman questioning if he was really ready for that, if it paid more, and whether it would mean less time for XYZ.
ReplyDeleteThe article gave links to the original research that that study was based on—by Shelly L. Gable—called “What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events” and its follow-up “Will You Be There for Me When Things Go Right? Supportive Responses to Positive Event Disclosures.” These studies stated essentially that couples' kind and generous responses to each others' Good news is more predictive of relationship-longevity than is couples' support offered during Hardship. It's in their words; it's in their eyes.
My girlfriend's eyes were green, and I knew how I expected to feel when I looked into them: nervous, anticipating that they'd fire up over something, soon. There's another woman I just met, a friend. Her eyes are gray-blue, and I know what I feel, looking into them: something like trust and calmness. That difference had been keeping me up at night for weeks, until I finally looked into my now ex-girlfriend's eyes and, hard hard hard as it was to do to her in all her love, made them tear."
– 17 October 2015
2017 August 28
ReplyDelete“Green eyes, blue eyes …”
The speaker here reveals his thoughts on his past relationship with someone, which he wishes he could resurrect. He feels physically ill and senses that “a headache’s coming” due to his emotional instability, indicating a tie between these two aspects of the human experience. He reflects upon the past and his prior hesitations, but suggests that now he has made up his mind regarding the woman. Looking into someone's eyes truly can reveal their emotions and create a deep connection between two people. The speaker acknowledges this bond that the woman’s eyes created, and longs to have it back. I think everyone who has gone through a loss or breakup can understand this feeling of regret and reflection upon a past relationship. Intimacy can give people the strength they need to feel emotionally and physically safe, while providing a unique comfort. Once this connection is lost, our emotional and physical strength can be broken and we can lose hope.
This poem really reminds me on one I read by John Donne in class, as well as another by Gascoigne, as they all detail the detrimental power of love that one understands to be incredibly harmful yet still so enticing. The hunt and the chase, as the poem describes, fills one with so much hope and emotion that they begin to ignore the destruction that awaits them when it is over, and even delude themselves into thinking they are made stronger because of this love. Sadly, it is both a weakness and a strength as the speaker finds out, juxtaposing his current nerve-racked thoughts with those of the future that are still riddled with almost nightmarish visions of the past. Overall, it serves to demonstrate the power of love, and that anything that can be used for someone's benefit can be used to harm them as well.
ReplyDelete