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| for Patrick Micheal Ewing (take care) |
When I stop,
What then? What
Gap do I leave?
A gap to be filled in again.
I will stop
Taking, stop giving:
Whether well or spring, air now
Where the mass was living:
A broad gap, at most;
A small one, at least.
In time, none at all –
I go in peace.
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ReplyDeleteAfter reading the title I assumed that the poem would have a more somber and resigned tone. The human struggle of finding self fulfillment and a niche in life is a common one. The idea of not finding a comfortable position in life or not "leaving a lasting mark" on the world can be troubling and relates to the theme of what exactly the meaning of life is; all of the literature my English class is reading this year has dealt with this complex theme.
ReplyDeleteBut reading your poem I didn't felt scared of not finding my purpose or of death, but at peace. I feel that the speaker (you?) is in a state of resigned acceptance - the speaker might not love that the world is this way, but that's what it is and it is better to acknowledge that. Instead of living in paralyzed fear of not leaving a "gap," the speaker recognizes that after his death the world will for the most part go on undisturbed, and accepts this, allowing himself to live and die with his mind at peace. I like this idea of accepting the nominal role that an individual has in the greater scheme of the world. It seems against human nature to live with this mindset - society is constantly telling us how important, special, and individual we are. But balancing this with the notion that in the end everyone will die and in the long run most will be forgotten, surprisingly puts me at ease.
The rhythm of the poem seemed to propel forward to me and then slow down for the last two lines. I wonder how the physical shape of the poem contributes to the overall meaning and effect. Is it forming a gap on the left margin? Moving forward physically like the speaker is moving forward emotionally?
Lastly - what circumstances led you to write this? It seems like you lost a dear friend, and wrote this poem in response.
Thank you for sharing this - it made me stop and think, and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Allie C.
Resigned acceptance. "in the end everyone will die and in the long run most will be forgotten, surprisingly puts me at ease." - one of my friends caught me once, after something embarrassing had happened, comforting myself by saying "everybody dies" under my breath
Delete... not in a vindictive way, but in a reassuring way, like this-too-shall-pass.
Graduate school is really stressful & attracts some very smart-but-delicate individuals. The man I wrote this for, I didn't know well, but knew enough to be surprised by the surprising and gruesome way he died.
It felt like one of those guilty, tragic things that people would stay silent about - and I wanted to bring it to some sense of resolution. So toward that end, I wrote this.
*The title comes from a passage in a pamphlet by my grandfather, Rudy Edmund:
"The wilderness teaches us that a balance or equilibrium is always kept intact between the living and nonliving environments. The wilderness also teaches us that changes create new opportunities and that no niche in the natural world is left vacant for long. Possibly, all the white pine trees in the valley near Holden Village may die off because the boring pine beetle gets the upper hand but that niche is then available to another species of tree. Nature seems to always find a replacement and life goes on."