Religion ...

(a metaphor, spoken as an observation.)

It does seem true,

    what mama  said:

                        “The dead are never

                                           really dead –

                         like day is never really gone;

                     it sets in our eyes, and somewhere

                 else is dawn.”

It does seem fair,

what daddy claims:

                          “There is a God

                                              who remembers all our names –

                                                                     and sees the wrong

                                                 someone does to us while hiding,

                                                                 and ties it to their name

                                                                   in dark, official writing.”

It does seem right and good

to be together,

singing hymns while

doors     hold out   shear weather:
“Holy holy, ghost,

be in me.”                                                              I think I feel him,

                           like breath.                       A candle flickers dimly.

I wonder sometimes,

whether God really      thinks       our verses

are better than           those in the “false” religions'

songs, that my priest (when he's riled up) curses.

I think                                          “What if God created us all,
                                       and each group sees, like at dawn,

                             their own sky's lessons?”
                                           But I'm always given back  our Faith to hold,

                                              like a knife through 

                                                                   the wings of questions.

An honest memorial service ...

The best die first.

While flakes      never get the chance                         

                                                        to die by you –

     just leave you    r life with                no 

                                                                         forwarding

                                                                                      address;

While haters                 act like                                           

                                                                                            you should die –

                                    until finally 

                                                      you leave them             bereft;

And while moochers         say they would

                                                                                 'die' 

                                                                           without you –

                                                                  so you leave

                                                                    to prove them 

                                                                 wrong;

And while posers were                                                           never really there –

                                                                                          an undefined reality, a 

                                                                                          shadow of another's

                                                                                            song.

Amidst those here-gones,

         biting bugs,

                     Those burglars and trail-cars – 

                                               who you only know

by their brief breezes, 

     or that itching red they leave,

                                                 by your empty shelves or 

                                               your echo's end after they go –

    There are those who stand with you, 

 real and long enough

that you see them still, through that flurried 

          blur from the worst:

because they never 

drop you, 

stick you, 

screw you,

fake you         

          out of their lives … 

  out of view …

The best die first.

Ghost-mouth ...

{Flashback: 2014}

I would

never leave a

bed while you

were twitching.

I love when

you have to ask

if I came by to

kiss you last night.

I think I'll never

lose that sense I'm

just a ghost who got

lucky and, God slipped,

gave me a

body instead of a

sheet. I said, “Thank

you,” but only in my head;
 

in that dark alone space,
where it's safe to be

honest – outside, on my

lips, is just silence. And your forehead.

Animal bites ...

{dog zen by Angela Adan -- Deserving Dogs Rehab & Rescue Santa Barbara!!}

There is no turning away from the animal –

They will chase where you do not control;

they will bite you. There is no

biting back at the animal –

Your fear-sharp shout will

increase their tension;

they will bite you.

There is only to project out at the animal

Your energy; the world that you desire:

If you want to be in control,

believe that first, then show. Show.

Claim beyond your bounds like

a leader does; Calm and

certain, tried and true.

The animal will try to lead you

with their muscle; you have

No muscle (not like theirs)

No fangs (just teeth) no

Fur (just hair), but have

That mind. A mind

That shapes out

Shared energy.

So with their

Fangs, be

Calm, be

True.

Be.

That heavenly touch (prayer group) ...

{Source images: Brigitte Hamadey (guilty feet) & Julie Pepin (ice-sheet hand)}

Now in a circle, singing hymns – linked,

                                                                   palm on 

                                                          sweaty palm – I think:

                                     Every man has 

                  touched his lowly

hanging parts, with either hand;

every woman has pressed upon her

                 softly tender, pink and hidden lips.

                                        Now in a circle, 

              singing hymns – linked,

                                                       palm on sweaty palm – I think:

God bless hers/and ours, those private

    places of bliss, 

                   that contraband;

                                             God bless 

these hours ordained, wherein

                               her moist palm 

                                                   grazes my 

                                                                     fingertips.

JK Reflections: Budō & The Work of Education ...

Defining Budō: a path of self-development

Budō is a philosophy of practice centered around martial arts, but with principles meant to extend into all aspects of one's life¹. I have been fortunate to grow up around many discussions of Budō practice, which have helped me to recognize the pragmatic relationship between attention, emotional control, and self-acceptance-- as it relates to personal learning and development in general. As a student of aikido, as well as the art of teaching (currently working on my PhD in Education), I find my Budō study extended by classroom teaching experiences, and my teaching approach likewise guided by that 20-year martial experience of the body-mind-spirit as a unified center of learning.

Being “alive”—growing, feeling, responding, desiring, adjusting, and learning—is a state naturally filled with discomforts, changes, and imposed conditions. Individuals often obsess over these challenges, making them into fuel for suffering: they focus on that mental/physical discomfort, that impermanence of phenomena, those objects and events that make certain things happen or prevent other things from happening (my sensei refers to this approach as “victim mode”). But they may alternately observe these challenges as tools for study: approaching every difficult, unexpected, or non-ideal experience as a sensation to be present in, a change to acknowledge and adapt to, or a situation to accept and respond to (my sensei calls this approach “solution mode”). Whether facing an intellectual challenge or a life-and-death challenge, this latter mode of relating with the world supports growth, health, and positive learning (as opposed to stiffness, numbness, or avoidance).

Foundation-work: concentration practice and awareness-building

The first step toward a solution-orientation—toward realizing one's capacity for dealing with life's difficulties—is exercising awareness. Awareness, my sensei explains, is a byproduct of concentration (i.e., focused attention): for example, by focusing on the punching hand, one may develop a strong punch, but then notice that they have been neglecting their hikite (the hand that pulls back to bolster the punching hand). And as one brings attention to making a stronger hikite, their punching hand remains in their awareness – and so on as they move to lower their raised heel, or draw back their too-high chin – each time bringing a new area into their awareness.

Budō practices within Aikido, such as Jiyu/Chikara Randori (responding to unplanned attacks with situationally appropriate defenses³) and meditation (mindfulness training), tacitly demonstrate to the practitioner that awareness is a present-moment state of consciousness—not only of one's rational sense-making thoughts about the external world, but also of one's motivations and emotions, which underlie those internally-constructed stories.

For instance, within a typical meditation session, individuals (1) conduct a full body scan – moving their attention systematically through all regions of the body, from the top of the head, through the front and sides, the core and limbs, down to the tips of the toes (and often holding attention at points that could be rushed or neglected – the chin, fingertips, etc.); then (2) notice sounds – far sounds (birds, street noise), near sounds (floor creaks, shutters moving), internal sounds (breath, pulse, heartbeat), but “making no particular effort to listen”; and after settling into that calm, situated awareness of self, (3) focus on breathing – counting each inhale and exhale, and as distractions arise, staying present enough to “let them come, let them go”: this trains the mind to approach thinking analogously to breathing, not as a desired object to hang on to distractedly, but rather as a passing experience to be fully present in⁴.

An important part of such mental practice is dealing with physical discomforts—itches, numbness, joint pain—by studying it (“What kind of pain is it? Dull, sharp, throbbing, steady?”) rather than making stories around it (“Poor me. I'm so unlucky. Why is sensei torturing me with this stupid practice?”). In this way, mental, physical, spiritual exercise is one same study: a practice of presence, where one's spiritual motivation (that genuine, felt purpose behind one's training) shapes one's mental attitudes and thoughts (those translations of direct experience into emotional and rational mind-states), and thereby one's actions (those areas attended to or ignored, words spoken and their tones, those actions taken and their manner).

The principle of such mental and physical study is learning to recognize and control one's real-time responses to sensations, emotions, and thoughts when difficulties arise. Though one's success from day to day is expected to vary with one's energy level and focus, the aim is always the same: do your best, always. And the way to that is hard, but simple, work: developing principled awareness.

Mastery-work: attitude refinement and experience-building

After the basic level of using focus on breathing to calm the body and mind, smoothing the agitations in one's perceptions⁵, an individual can move to more advanced levels of practicing concentration, deliberately turning common distractions into objects of meditation:

• observing pains (e.g., noting the sensation as a helpful signal, managing it),
• resolving thoughts (e.g., addressing a guilty or angry memory by walking through that situation and picturing what one should have done, or can do now to move forward), and
• balancing emotions (e.g., evoking more broad-minded attitudes {equanimity, compassion, wisdom} to move one's feelings beyond survival-mode attitudes {desire, greed, aversion, ignorance} and the self-obsessed boundaries that those strong likes and dislikes construct between us and our environments).

In this way, meditation provides an opportunity to attenuate the effects of emotions like fear, surprise, worry, and doubt (the four “diseases of the samurai”) and expand to different levels of perception by developing one's power of concentration. The practice of martial arts techniques, likewise, extends training of these abilities—either through solo practice, or with partners—as a type of “meditation in motion.” 

 

The Human Value of Budō: a personal, practical, principled existence

These budō practices—alongside family interactions, work challenges, and myriad other experiences in life—can all be approached as tools for developing wise attention – that is, “seeing that is based on awareness,” This ability, to be present in experience, enables a person to bypass disruptive emotions and distracting thoughts (tomorrows worries, or yesterday's unrelated dilemmas) and to focus purposefully on the current situation.

Bringing oneself to a presently aware mental state provides an opportunity for responding by appropriate means – that is, “kind, respectful, truthful, and timely action.” And through repeatedly engaging with experiences in this principled way, one can develop a foundation of practical familiarity and confidence across situations, nurturing the personal inclination to respond to life's difficulties with a “right and sharp” internal state; with ever more self-transcending states of mind:

• equanimity – “maintaining an impartial mind in the midst of life's changing conditions,”
• compassion – “a certain sense of responsibility for other people” based in appreciation for others' existence making our existence possible, and
• wisdom – “knowledge in service of the heart … [where] the heart tells me what I should be doing (the principle of mutual welfare and prosperity); the brain tells me how I can get there (the principle of maximum efficiency).”

These mental states encompass emotions, motivations, and thoughts; they help the individual to stay solution-oriented: to develop strength, empathy, and prudence in practice. And they are simultaneously personal, practical, and principled in nature: based in one's individual first-hand experiences with the world; oriented toward dealing effectively and efficiently with such experiences, given one's traits and inclinations; and directed by a sense of being that is connected to one's environment, humbly sustained by that environment, and ultimately given meaning in life by supporting that larger ongoing existence.

*

The Place of Budō in Education

I have both seen and benefited from the efficacy of budō's holistic mind-body-spirit approach to individual self-improvement. And for me, as an educator and educational researcher, budō underscores the interconnection between personal and professional development in learning-centered environments—with important implications for educational practice, personal learning, the process of becoming a teacher, and the nature of the teacher-student-subject relationship:

Regarding educational practice – everyone's experience is naturally filled with highs and lows, both internal (our fluctuating “receptive states,” e.g., emotional control, clarity of thinking, motivational energy-level) and external (the incoming “vicissitudes of life,” e.g., pleasure/pain, gain/loss, praise/blame, fame/disrepute). Avoiding the discomforting lows limits full awareness and the growth of wisdom: this means that, if learning and personal growth are primary goals, then fluctuations in daily performance should not be seen as permanent guarantees nor as discouraging limits, but as valuable feedback—that informs ongoing personal development and learning over time.

As my sensei once explained, “We are all humans; we all have our highs and our lows. But if, during your lows, you allow discouragement to set in, you begin to lose control. This is why there are certain words that we do not say ['try', 'quit', 'wrong', 'forget', etc.] … If you say 'Sensei, I won't quit,' … the word quit is already in your head; you are already struggling not to quit.”

Regarding personal learning – one's body and mind are intimately entwined, likewise one's emotions and thoughts. This means that an individual's perceptions are influenced by their sense of self, and their current attitudes toward a lesson / activity / social atmosphere can and will influence what they learn from those objects of study in a given situation.

Thus my sensei offers reminders like this: “Don't take it [an explanation, a correction] personally; if you take it personally, you will miss the lesson,” and “If you say in your mind, 'I cannot do this; I am finished,' sure, you are finished [before you move],” and mantras like these: “Challenges make me think, thinking makes me wise, wisdom makes me free,” and “Familiarity is the antidote to fear.”

Regarding the teacher's role and becoming a teacher – teaching is essentially a continuation of learning, where an individual uses their own learning experiences and understandings to help and guide others who are studying and developing in that area. This position of leadership requires constant refinement of technique (what one knows), method (how one teaches others), and character (how one feels, thinks, and acts), since a teacher's core educational tool is him/herself: each acts uniquely as a living example of a school's / discipline's standards, values, and practical possibilities.

Teachers offer personal insight, through all modes of expression: “There are many ways to explain, but the best is through your own actions.” They offer guidance, again, in both actions and words: “A teacher who wants his students to develop will say, 'Don't do what I do; start from here, and eventually you will get to where I am, through the process of development.'” And they offer reassurance, once again, through words and actions in concert: “We place higher demands on our top students, not because we want you to be a certain way, but because we want you to be able to say to those you teach, 'I went through that.'”

To make immediate and approachable a subject that sometimes seems distant and ungraspable to an inexperienced student, a teacher must understand not only their subject, but the experience of learning that subject deeply. Thus, explained the founder of Yoseikan, Minoru Mochizuki: “A teacher is a student who teaches in order to continue his study.”

Regarding the teacher-student-subject relationship – teachers and students are connected through the shared learning of a common subject: their dō or 'path' – an experiential term that implies both the impersonal direction (e.g., dojo, literally 'Place of the way,' a school; or Aikido, literally 'Way of combining forces,' a particular field of martial study) and the personal journey (e.g., budō, literally 'Martial path,' the life-study of martial arts; as opposed to bujutsu, literally 'martial technique,' which focuses on technical study without incorporating self-development).

Together on this learning-centered path, a teacher's (ideally: wise) guidance tests the students with purposeful challenges, and the students' (ideally: effortful) struggles reciprocally challenge the teacher, as both develop deeper, more abiding individual connections to that subject. Each takes on a distinct, but synchronized role in shared development of learning: “I cannot do it alone,” my sensei explains, “a teacher needs students. But between teachers and students there is always a path … and just because we are all on the same path does not mean we will step in the same places.”

*

The work of learning, and the art of educating—in whatever subject, along whatever path—fundamentally requires the development of self; the discovery, refinement, and sharing of that self; the cultivation of a personal (sincere), practical (experienced), principled (purpose-driven) character. Without that stable center, that human heart, 'knowledge' is but an empty symbol, 'philosophy' but a shallow pretense of virtue, and 'strength' but an artless force. And with that human heart, knowledge and kindness and strength fill with a single meaning (a purpose-driven life) and lead toward wisdom.

As William Blake once wrote, “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” If I had to turn this dauntingly long reflection into a mantra brief enough for an educator's out-breath, it would probably be this.

The Way of Education: a haiku

“Do not try; do your 
Best, as yourself, and that 
Much you will become.”

– Josh Kuntzman (15 March 2016)

 

 

1 As my sensei's teacher, Minoru Mochizuki, once explained in reply to his question, “What is the purpose of aikido?”: “It's learning to deal with life's difficulties, isn't it?”

2 In Yoseikan Aikido, my sensei since the age of 12

3 The difference in Randori: jiyu is for technical study, chikara is for developing control and effectiveness under duress.

4 My sensei emphasizes here that the individual should both note a distraction itself – labeling it “distraction” – and acknowledge the tone with which one notes that distraction – was it with “anger,” “impatience,” “amusement,” “acceptance,” etc.

5 (“like the surface of a lake,” letting turbid particles settle down and hidden objects float to the clear surface)

Reformed...

{Image credits: David Shrigley's Untitled [Gays] 2004 & Kaitlin Robbs' feelings wheel.}

I never really minded being gay;

I loved it when

he stretched/

filled up

the hole

inside

of me.

But

“It's

better

a top

than a

bottom,”

so they say –

for the tops have always written history.

Sort of terrifying ...

                 It's

             sort

           of

      terrifying

      to love life

                         like

                      I do.

      I didn't     used

         to mind   the

          thought

                 of

              letting

                 go.

A moment was so beautiful,

but was just another one:

enough, or one-too-many,

but never one-too-few.

I didn't care, meeting you,

whether you'd say 'yes' or 'no.'

Just asked because I needed

to keep asking—

to fill my moments up—

and hadn't failed with you yet.

But you liked me and, given

company, I didn't want to go:

I'd fall asleep in a laugh with

you; you, kissing me gapless,

would say, “you have to breathe,”

but I'd stay attached, anyway.

I'd imagine dying, again, as I do,

in a car crash or a stupid fight.

But as much as that used to make

me feel light, now I find it taxing.

I can't see growing tired of this; of

looking forward to moments I'll catch.

But if I do, I hope I'll be old and low –

a waxy wick, flagging blue and slow,

                                             remembering   its

                                                                             match.

The last rally...

There is danger in this room.

Before the exit doors,

where beyond, in the night,

no one is listening.

I feel your tense intention

like a water bucket trembling –

opaque with agitation – if you hear

me through that noise,

I'll talk to you: killing me will

leave a hole on this stage, but

it will not make you stop trembling.

You. You have cares and softness

between your eyebrows,

tightened from squinting through

cross-hairs. Drop down the

barrel-end. Remember that I felt you;

That you are real and not alone.

These are dangerous times,

but I take that as a sign of successes.

we are not powerful here, but

I take that as a sign we are good.

Toward a thousand commands

“On the ground” “Shut up” “Disperse,”

a thousand audits and seizures,

using legal misquotes of social philosophies.

If we create a little joke a wall-painting

a kindness, then what becomes of

a hard statement a slogan a sanction ...but

a discussion a background a wall around a room?

Build up out of danger, up into daylight,

up to where the air rings. Use sticks

and mud that cost nothing, and pay

into them your beauty. Let that

Create your way home.{* bang.}

TEACHING TALK: the use of 'Belief & Doubt' (Peter Elbow spur)...

By belief you gain insight:

When you walk into a world (another person's culture; a working environment, a life)

with the thought, “There is something here

that is reasonable, is valuable, and is important,”

then that is what you will find.

Because every world sustains itself on something

touching true, that is valued, and that is useful.

Believing that

is the only way to open your heart, mind, and senses to

(A) perceive those distant objects and

(B) understand them in a way you can relate to your own objects.

So begin by believing.

Have you encountered a situation that made you pull back, where you thought,

“This is completely unreasonable, crazy, incoherent,”

“This is just wrong, stupid, pointless,”

or “This is so useless, boring, a waste of time and effort”?

We all have – because it takes so much energy and will to understand.

And the more new, or different, or subtle this object,

the more we have to give of ourselves in order to understand:

to let go, for a moment, from our own reasons and theories,

values and institutions,

polished methods and coping habits.

To let go and feel some other world,

to see a view out of someone else's eyes,

to explore another way toward getting something done.

{Examples:}

Perhaps it's strange to imagine the rationality

of witch-doctors and fortune-tellers and late-night infomercials,

but then you think about the placebo-effect in healing

or the therapeutic relief of a little reassuring hope

or the monetary savings if you did dry your own meat and vegetables.

Maybe it's hard to see the moral purpose

in bloody cage fights or polyamorous relationships,

but then you explore the history of pugilism and martial arts

as outlets for youthful aggression, arenas for turning that energy into self-control;

or you think about your own struggle to find one wholly fulfilling partner,

how maybe if you found the right combination of people...

Perhaps it's unintuitive for you to comprehend the use of

meditation or crossword puzzles or comic books,

until you see how swimming gives you a similar feeling

of mental clarity and calm,

or how arguing playfully with your friends

is its own kind of memory-sharpening puzzle,

or how watching farcical movies

provides you the same escapist relief and simple life lessons

that a comic book might, if you'd ever gotten into one.

By belief you gain insight.

*

But how do you explain this to others?

Once you start understanding

some new situation,

or another person's views,

or alternate paths for achieving a goal,

you may want to share these insights with others in your group—

others who, as we all do, sometimes resist or deny

something that seems strange to our standard intuition.

So when you go back to your own perspective,

preparing to explain witch-doctors or cage fights or comic books,

remember your initial doubts

and the reasons, values, importance behind them:

{Examples:}

Sometimes a sick person needs surgery

or careful diagnosis and preventative measures,

and in that case thoughtful prayers and hope-filled potions

will be less than enough to heal;

Sometimes fighters are ungentlemanly and rude,

uncontrolled and selfish and just violent,

and when pugilism lets go of its art and philosophy thus,

it likewise undermines its potential benefits for youth and society;

Sometimes writers rely on stereotypes and spectacle

as shortcuts to social commentary and human insight,

or their fans become so deeply involved in the stories

that they pull away from developing themselves in their own lives,

attitudes and actions.

These doubts, questions and concerns,

bring out a fuller view

by brighting the shadows that believers sometimes overlook.

And by giving voice to these doubts,

you invite more distant doubters to look at those strange worlds more closely—

despite their possible feelings of resistance or discomfort—

because you have just placed into that world

something that is familiar to them:

by doubt, you gain credibility.

{A Quote, mapped in space:}

“As teachers and students

we are in a good position to learn

the ability

to see things differently

from how we usually see them,

and the willingness

to risk doing it.

If we want to learn

those skills,

it helps to notice

the inner stances—

the cognitive and psychological dispositions—

we need for doubting and believing:

• If we want to doubt or find flaws in

ideas that we are tempted to accept or believe

(perhaps they are ideas that “everyone knows are true”),

we need to work at

extricating or distancing ourselves

from those ideas.

There’s a kind of language that helps here:

clear, impersonal sentences

that lay bare the logic or lack of logic

in them.

• If, on the other hand, we want to believe

ideas that we are tempted to reject

(“Anyone can see that’s a crazy idea”)—

if we are trying to enter in or experience

or dwell in those ideas—

we benefit from the language of

imagination, narrative, and

the personal experience.

”

– Peter Elbow¹

|

|

V

Stances → … …                                               … … ← Skills

→ … …                             … … ←

→                          ←

Learning

(2 languages that support this:

reason, experience)

*

1“The believing game and how to make conflicting opinions more fruitful,” in Chris Weber's (Ed.) Nurturing the Peacemakers in Our Students: A Guide to Teaching Peace, Empathy, and Understanding (Heinemann, 2006)