I want to believe
I have infinite time.
I don't know what I'll
Care about, with no belly
For hunger, no blood for
Passion, no mind for calm. But,
I still want to believe that
I'll always,
ever, be on.
I can't see to my tail—to the day I
was
Born—and that's fine (warm
placentas
Disgust me). And I hardly remember
My father's mom's eyes. But I
still
Feel her press, as she held me;
it
Remains. And I feel so relieved—
Dreaming that in heaven she's
Still taller than me, and she
Waits with those arms—
I believe.
I have to believe
We have infinite
Time; I love
And have
Loved
Too
Mu
ch
To
Ac
ce
pt I
Ex
is
t O
th
er
w
is
e
.
"I was in the bathroom, talking to myself about the afterlife—entertaining the what-if scenario of an existence beyond the body. It's incomprehensible to me: how I would celebrate a reunion of souls without my voice, or love being there without my desirous heart, or feel fulfilled there without first my hunger, or feel calm without my body to relax.
ReplyDeleteWhat is my spirit but my breath? And how can it exist eternally when my spirit's nature is to constantly come-and-go? Spirit is an action, not an entity; life is a state, not a possession—it flows through “me”; I do not own life, but only the experience of living. And I've seen dead bodies, resting at peace. Peace is an object's stillness, not a person's life. Life is a flux of instinctive hungers, driven by the ancient text of my genes, shared by all my cells: that is “me,” living. And when I die, that is peace, being.
But I understand why others would rather not accept that basic truth: if the end of your body's living-experience dampens your current enjoyment of life, then why not create a story that dispels that profound finality? Whether or not it's true, still it does some good—in your heart, stomach, lungs, and mind—while you exist."
– 9 November 2015
In “The ‘infinite’ bias”, death and its inevitability is a central theme and idea. Even though death is inevitable, like the speaker states, it is comforting to “still want to believe that I'll always, ever, be on”. Like myself, many people probably would love to have infinite amounts of time to live their life and not have an end to it in order to do what they want and make sure everything they do is enough. In the poem, the speaker states that he “[loves] and have loved too much to accept [he] exists otherwise”. To me, this line speaks about how much energy humans constantly use, no matter how much, into everything they do, and for that all to end one day and just have it be used and finished is an unsettling feeling.
ReplyDeleteThe first line of the poem, stating that he wants to believe he has infinite time resonates with me. Time is a complex concept, and it is often everyone’s greatest enemy and thief. Time can cause some memories to fade, like how Kuntzman cannot recall what his father’s mom’s eyes look like, but he can still feel her touch. That touch “remains” within him, and he feels “relieved” in knowing that she is watching over him in heaven. Reading this poem reminded me of my mother’s father who passed away when I was young. I often think about how different my life would be if he was still on earth and we could make memories together. Yet, Kuntzman brings me back down to earth when he says he has to believe he has infinite time; the time it takes to get to know someone and make memories is more valuable than anything else. As the poem’s words trickle down, it’s as if Kuntzman and the reader are shedding a tear to let go of their past. Like Kuntzman, I have to accept that our existence in the world should not be dictated by time, but how we spend our time.
ReplyDeleteI was initially drawn to this poem because of the first two lines. I resonate with the desire to have infinite time, as most people do, even though we as a species know that our existence is limited and the opposite of infinite. The rest of the first stanza talks about the speaker’s worries that they will struggle with finding a purpose for their existence without yearning for an everlasting existence. I think this viewpoint is interesting because when you stop to really think about life and what drives you to wake up and live day in and day out, it can be difficult to pinpoint what helps keep you going when you think about the inevitability of death and your shortening time of your own existence. The second stanza is more reflective and we get insight into the speaker’s belief towards the concept of heaven which suggests that they do believe in an everlasting existence even after the death of the physical body on earth. The final stanza stanza reaffirms the speaker’s hope for infinite time and he is determined to live his life with that viewpoint in mind.
ReplyDeleteThe speaker continually struggles between his want for infinite time and seeing the point in having it. On one hand, what is the sense? After infinity, what is the goal in living? There cannot be a goal if there is not an endpoint. People always say that they want to do this and this and this, etc. before they pass away. With infinite time, they have all the means to accomplish everything and eventually be left with nothing, at least nothing substantial and beneficial to human character. On the other hand, infinite time is comforting. The idea that we can have all we want because time is on our side. It is unsettling not knowing how much time we have left because sometimes the goals we want to achieve require more time, but who really knows how much time we have left?
ReplyDeleteThat's depressing ;)
DeleteI really enjoyed this poem not only because of its interesting structure and presentation but because of its undiluted look at the contradictions one faces when yearning for any cognisance that supersedes, or infinitely extends, their normal life. It certainly stays true to the blog’s introductory statement, as it communicates the hardships and shortcomings one would face if their life were indeed made infinite, which presumably everybody wants (at first glance), through its waning structure that seems to trail off into oblivion. It is a reminder that many of the pleasures we experience are simply a function of the limited amount of time we are able to experience them for, and that life is to be enjoyed rather than endured.
ReplyDeleteThe way I read the poem, it is about a speaker who is struggling with coming to terms that his existence will one day come to end. Even though he accepts that eventually his physical existence on Earth will end, he asserts that his existence will continue one way or another. However, the speaker’s assertion isn’t a confident one, but rather one made out of fear. This is evident through the way that the speaker’s words trail off near the end, showing that he lacks confidence in his infinite existence and merely makes these claims to comfort himself.
ReplyDeleteNear the middle of the poem, the speaker takes a brief moment to turn away from the future and look back towards the past. He remembers his grandmother pressed against him, and yearns to feel for her touch again in the future. In the accompanying photo, there is a woman’s chest shown. The woman’s chest reminds me of the fertility of women and how they, in some way, continue their existence through their offsprings.
In essence, this poem is about someone who grapples with their inevitable death by conjuring an afterlife in their minds.
I think the reason the poem is titled “The ‘Infinite’ Bias” is because we as humans all like to believe that we are infinite. We can’t imagine anything other than “being on,” as said at the end of the first stanza. The speaker definitely believes that he/she is infinite, desiring (and almost manifesting, in a way) the warm comfort of their grandma when they arrive in the apparent afterlife. However, upon finishing the poem, I was left feeling as though the piece is saying that there isn’t anything after living, and therefore we are not infinite. The way the words in the poem seem to trail off and disappear into nothingness as the speaker was talking, mirrors how as humans live their lives and exist, they will also eventually pitter out into nothing. The fact that the poem ends with a period, as opposed to stopping mid-sentence, is the most interesting part to me. I feel that stopping with a period gives closure, and wraps up the poem, making my life (or my reading of the poem) feel complete, and without much significant ambiguity. I personally think that ending mid-thought would correlate with my interpretation of the poem. However, that’s not how it’s written so...who knows? I don’t. Maybe we’ll just have leave it ambigu
ReplyDeleteDoes the speaker believe they're infinite? Or merely (self-awarely) recognize the necessity of entertaining that bias, so that they can accept the fact tha--
DeleteThis poem is about the inevitability of death and the idea of having limited time. All people have different ways of coming to terms with death, and the speaker of the poem longs for more time. He thinks of his past and the memories that are unclear to him now, and he looks into the future. At the end of the poem, the words and letters become scattered and spread thin, representing the speaker’s death. This poem makes me think about life’s transient nature. Everyone knows that they will die eventually, but the way an individual chooses to use this knowledge in his life is what is truly important. While some people use death’s inevitability as motivation to achieve as much as possible in the short time they have, others see it in the sense that nothing really matters since everything will come to an end eventually. In this poem, the speaker longs for more time and ponders the idea of death for so long that death eventually takes him mid-thought. Because he is so focused on the pressure death puts on his life, he forgets to actually live it.
ReplyDeleteYou think the speaker is dead now? Whhhh...grim.
DeleteThis is a fantastic poem. The idea is so accurately communicated and direct. I think we all like to believe that we will live forever and always have the abilities required to experience life. I think the addition of the narrator’s grandmother really adds a deeper level into what the narrator imagines after death. You really do communicate something so real about how we imagine our loved ones after they have died: we see them as we remember them and we imagine they will be the same after death.The last stanza is by far my favorite. It resonated in me as this sense of how time exists for us in a conscious state; it really does feel infinite. We love so much about the world that makes time feel infinite, and if we believe this while we are happy and in love with our existence, then why wouldn’t we go on believing it?
ReplyDelete-- Caitlin Mitchell
DeleteWell-read. 'm glad it resonated for you.
Delete“The ‘infinite’ bias” resonated with me because like many, I feel apprehension towards with the idea that our lives are short and definite, slowly counting down towards to our inevitable deaths. The speaker feels comfort in believing that they will always exist and have infinite time. This introduces the hypothetical to the speaker— what will they be like with infinite time? The speaker is unable to imagine to imagine what they will be like/care about, yet feels comfort in the thought that they will simply exist. I feel that time, the speaker’s efforts to comprehend it, and the speaker’s relationship with time is the antecedent to this poem. Time is a strange concept in society, as it controls many aspects of our life, however, it is not truly “real.” Time is in fact trivial and meaningless in relation to the existence of the universe, yet it dictates what we can and cannot do and when. Our fleeting existence is dictated by time, which the speaker struggles to accept. The second stanza gives the readers insight into the speaker’s mind and their belief that there is heaven, and life beyond the physical one, dictated by time. The third stanza circles back to the speaker’s main point, their desire to have indefinite time and struggle to see their existence as anything but indefinite.
ReplyDelete