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All it takes is a microbe –
Just one that lives,
That knows the way
To my brain.
Or through these muscles.
( Or more, then: one of each.
They could grow
total and glorious
together: )
Making my brain swell –
So my mind doesn't know
Why I am slowly more
And more afraid
Of an ocean that used to
Make its tiding heart sing,
Of the water that was
The only thing
Pure enough to
To crane this back
Aright on a
burnt day.
( In 3 to 7 weeks
That first begins.
In 7 to 21 days
This last leads in: )
Severing the link between –
My muscles do not hear
My brain calling “relax”
And, irritable in that silence,
They pull: my stomach cobbles;
Neck shudders; chest begins
To tear, lock by lock
Of red fiber; then my back
arcs in an untempered curve
And, at its
furthest angles,
cracks.
( Timed right, I could feel them
Coming together: )
Breaking me, the animal –
Taking my air out
In spasms of uncontrol –
While making me an animal –
Beyond thought or reason,
A living lash of soul
Upon the senses (the peaks
Of giddy quivering and
burrows of sad weight
that made me). If tetanus
ever collects my flesh,
please donate
my mind
to rabies.
*One tab = tetanus lines; Two tabs = rabies lines. Just to help clarify a slightly un-parallel stanza structure.
ReplyDeleteSymptoms and time estimates are accurate. Rabies is actually sort of fascinating – check out this book review exerpt in THE WEEK (got the magazine just after my bite – how perfect!):
“It usually begins with a bite from a vicious, foaming beast. Across days, perhaps years, tiny organisms travel through your nervous system, swelling the brain. Vomiting and seizures ensue, often accompanied by a fear of water, paranoia, and a tendency to spit in your hands and throw the saliva at your caretakers. For males, there are involuntary orgasms, sometimes 30 a day. Next comes paralysis, then death. Intrigued?” - (posted 5 September 2012)
So that was enough to plant the seed, and as I drove to and fro in the car this week, I meditated on what, exactly, I'd do if I knew I had rabies. Apparently I wouldn't have time for much, since once symptoms take off you've got about 10 days. But still, trying to imagine the inside of that experience is an adventure in itself.
And then thinking about the possibility of tetanus (the dog had literally been digging up a tree root in the soil just prior to biting me {“In the spore form, C. tetani may remain inactive in the soil, but it can remain infectious for more than 40 years.” nih.gov – PubMedHealth}) added a very interesting compliment to that imaginative venture.
The diseases share some common symptoms (difficulty swallowing, drooling, irritability, etc.) but occupy somewhat distinct spheres in the body. One goes for the brain (toward insomnia, hallucinations, delirium, paralysis, fear of water > dehydration > bodily death) one cuts off nerve signals in the muscles (toward fever, sweating, muscle spasms, uncontrolled urination/defecation, throat spasms > lack of oxygen > brain damage). So the two are, in a way, interesting compliments to one another.
At least interesting enough to warrant a poem, yeah? A thing to think about.
before I read this comment, the lines about the brain being afraid of the ocean made me think about how odd it is to think that the first life on earth came from the ocean and how after eons, we have become so ill-adapted for the watery world. We know more about the surface of the moon than we do about our own oceans. It's kind of like the ultimate act of rebellion between a child(us) and its mother(the ocean).
DeleteAnyway, cool poem. I find it so weird and scary how there can be organism that can control behaviors to its advantage like rabies. And rabies isn't the only one. Apparently there are loads of other cases of mind control in other organisms too. http://listverse.com/2009/07/29/10-fascinating-cases-of-mind-control/
This is a bit of a random note, but after reading many of your poems and looking the collages you made for them, I can't help but feel reminded of this music video that somewhat resembles the style of you collages https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G-cqAehehA. I feel like the collages function ostensibly as a visual manifestation of the poem itself and also of the memories and emotions you stirred together in order to produce the poem. What's your process for making the collages?
ReplyDeleteI know the music video is far more abstract than the song itself, but I felt like the look of it had the same kind of metaphorical nature to it as your collages.
The song by the way, I think, is about a creation revolting against the orchestrations of its creator(the singer) which can sorta be seen by the video. Although, again, it's very abstract
Deletemaking the collages: I steal photos that resonate with me and put them all in a folder on my desktop. Whenever I want to share a poem, I go through the folder looking for related images, then blend them together in a way that I hope augments, clarifies, or approaches from a different perspective the intended meaning/essence of the poem.
Delete