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I've noticed in moments over the years.
First when I saw my shell
(“I don't even know how to be with her.”
“I'm kind of an avoidant friend.”
“I'm afraid to let anyone in.”)
And friends taught me who I was
(“I don't think you've ever been in love! Sorry.”
“Don't 'should' other people. Understand them.”
“You're really bad at taking compliments.”
“You're too kind. It's hurting you.”)
Then I let the world break me open
(“How do you live like this without drugs?”
“I love you, and every love is a stepping stone.”
“You seek emotionally unavailable women.”
“Who lets you go? You are magical.”)
And then I felt myself in us
(“How did you put up with me?”
“Because I'm grateful you exist.”)
Full of everyone.
“I” was never good enough; never
why I wanted to exist.
“We” was why,
“for us” a good reason,
“ours” something worth keeping.
“How is he doing today?”
I'd rather not be.
“How are we doing today?”
We're smiling now—
How are you-with-me?
Our self-perception is one that constantly evolves as we develop as humans, they are often affected by the relationships that form around us and are not strictly set from the moment that we are born. I can relate to how the speaker’s identity evolves throughout the poem. He starts off as someone who lives in a sense where they are independent and isolated; their existence is separate from those around them. Over the years the speaker feels the need to find a significant other to expand their life from one of singular significance to one where they can’t exist without their other counterpart.
ReplyDeleteTo spectate through the voices of those around them through their friends, lovers, and the world, it is difficult for a reader to not reflect on those same relationships in our own lives to see how well we connect with the speaker’s experiences. When I started high school, I was the only one from my middle school and I was a transfer student from a different city, so it was a completely different environment where I knew no one. As seen through the dialog surrounding the speaker throughout their different steps through life, there are those moments where they don’t feel like they belong until they take small steps to progress their way through relationships. It is amazing to me to see how the speaker evolves through these various people who act as mirrors that can shine flaws within the speaker and tune him to be a more refined person and now being in a sense of “we” rather than “him”
The last line of “How are you-with-me?” is a great statement, that shows the speaker’s selfless nature and how they don’t want to be one-sided in this experience, ensuring that they were able to spark a similar awakening within their partner as they did for the speaker themselves. Hoping that the magic that they found through interconnectedness is universal.
I don't know that I agree wit this description of early life: "As we begin our lives, we start by being uncomfortable and somewhat out of our depth in the body we inhabit, unsure how to behave or act, and tend to focus on the negative aspects."
ReplyDeleteI've gotten to spend close time with a few infants in the past 4 years. And what I see across all of them is this pervasive state of curiosity and wonder ~ fixated not on the negative, but with reaching their senses into the unknown.
The people AROUND them, on the other hand, are overwhelmingly attentive to dangers and instabilities and heat/cold/electricity/poisons... and I see that anxiety work its way in over time, as a fear of judgement or disapproval that distracts from that initial "Oooh, I am existing in a body, in a place, with lots of senses and feelings."