“Hey – it's a compliment :) ”
Means it wasn't a GOOD compliment.
“Trust me, you'll love it”
Means YOU love it—just you.
“Come on, that's funny”
Means you're pushing me, and I'M not smiling.
“Really? You're kidding”
Means you're LAUGHING away my truth.
“I didn't mean it that way”
Means you didn't ASK “what might they hear me saying?”
“You're being too sensitive”
Means you're HURTING me; we're not just playing.
“Look, I said I'm sorry”
Means you don't see WHY you should be.
“Fine, I'll leave you alone then”
Means you already WEREN'T here with me.
I really like this poem and relate to it as I feel that it demonstrates in a simple format something I have struggled with much in my life, feeling like everything another says is pointed to hurt me and to take away from my experience. I interpreted it as tracing the experience of going through life trying to dissect how and why others act, why they might say hurtful and selfish things like “you’re being too sensitive” or how something as simple as “trust me, you’ll love it” can be internally selfish and interpreted to be uncaring by the recipient. I also feel that the format really exemplifies how these responses form in one's head after such a comment, like a snappy comeback to a rude statement. This poem also gives me a point of refuge as it lets me know that I am not the only one who feels that these statements are embedded with hidden and hurtful meanings that reveal how the other person does not care or understand you. However, after reading this poem, it makes me wonder how these statements become so universal that another person was able to put these experiences into words, the experience of interacting and communicating with individuals who use these hurtful and rude statements to disregard their own poor behavior. Why do people feel the need to make these rude comments? Why are they so dang hurtful when you receive them? I always felt that I was too sensitive and that I was reading into things too hard, however, seeing this poem makes me realize that I am not alone and that writing in succinct and artistic ways such as poetry can help me grow and mature through these uncomfortable experiences. I hope I never accidentally say something like this to another.
ReplyDeleteHow do these statements become so universal ... is easiest to understand, I think, when you put yourself in the shoes of that person and ask what they're trying to accomplish for themselves: ask yourself "What would happen if I didn't take it as a compliment? Didn't love that thing they wanted to do? Didn't think their joke was funny?"
DeleteWell, they'd feel sorry for saying something that hurt you, they'd feel alone in loving that thing, and they'd feel self-conscious or embarrassed for making that dud of a joke. All of those are uncomfortable feelings ~ so they are trying to drag you into a place that makes them feel better.
It's completely understandable. It's very human. That's why it's universal. All that doesn't make it OKAY ... but understanding/empathizing with where it comes from is the first step toward (a) letting go the impulse to defend yourself or counter-attack them, and (b) address the real issue directly: "I feel uncomfortable around you when you treat me like this. I want to feel comfortable around you. So can I make a request ___________?"