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What do I do?
I've stopped liking
the space,
The time alone.
And I know
that's a loss. But
It was easier to
Have space on
my skin when
There was nothing
Thicker with senses I
wanted
To press it in.
I've started holding the air
And finding
my
Arms don't stretch
all the way
Around
my cage
The way
I bet you would.
And
I know
that bet's
No good
to make. So what do I do?
I don't like the
Space when I'm thinking of you.
* Thanks to Andrew Savulich (preventing a jumper on Grand Central Station), the Hudson River (looking out from the George Washington Bridge), Richard Avedon (hand with long-sleeved blouse), Katharina Salzbrunn / whydochildrensteal (hand hole – Elena Getzieh), David (pink flowers – Greece/Bulgaria) & Krista (squirrel-huntin' tree) for making this collage full.
ReplyDeleteIRE (noun): c.1300, from Old French ire "anger, wrath, violence" (11c.), from Latin ira "anger, wrath, rage, passion," from PIE root *eis-, forming various words denoting "passion"
ReplyDeletecf. Greek hieros "filled with the divine, holy," oistros "gadfly," originally "thing causing madness;" Sanskrit esati "drives on," yasati "boils;" Avestan aesma "anger").
Old English irre in a similar sense is from an adjective irre "wandering, straying, angry," cognate with Old Saxon irri "angry," Old High German irri "wandering, deranged," also "angry;" Gothic airzeis "astray," and Latin errare "wander, go astray, angry" (see err (v.)).
>>> Online Etymology Dictionary (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=ire)
I really enjoyed this poem that you wrote. Your fascinating style of writing is very interesting and pleasing to read. Your poem is relatable in the sense of uneasiness that love causes and the dark tones of what you wrote. I think what you're trying to say in this poem is that love is complicated and erases one's feelings of wanting to be alone. Love creates a connection between people and draws people together. When you ask about what you should do I think that this is you asking others for help. You're utilization of such dark imagery and words relating to deep thought are the most intriguing to me. I think this poem is great and thoroughly enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete"fascinating / interesting / pleasing / relatable / dark tones(?) ... dark imagery / deep thought (?)" - with time, this all distills to the word "good." Thanks, I guess.
ReplyDeleteBut THIS:
"Love ... erases one's feelings of wanting to be alone. Love creates a connection between people ... this is you asking others for help." - THIS, I hadn't thought of before (always thought I was asking her. But you're right: liking one person connects you to the rest of your world, too if only by desperate necessity).
For that, thank you sincerely.
I really enjoyed this poem and I find it very relatable. I think what you're trying to say is that love makes it hard for one to remember what it was like before; what it's like being alone. Before you fall in love, you are content with being alone, but once you are in love, you can't fathom the thought of being alone. I love the structure of the poem and how you turned the words into an image; it adds more depth to the poem and makes it unique. Overall, I really loved this poem
ReplyDeleteRachel K.
Exactly. (not "remember" in the cognitive sense, but in the physical sense ... it makes it hard to get yourself back to that place where just existing feels good enough. At some point, "yourself" just stops feeling sufficient - but I guess that's what it takes to make us get off our asses and chase someone, right?) :)
DeleteOriginally, the first thing that attracted me to the poem was it's shape. I really enjoy the odd shape and the connection between the increasing space in the lines in the second half, and the space you are unable to reach across. I also enjoyed the idea of the inability to remember what life was like before you found the person you love. I do think, however, this idea extends past people that you love, but even hobbies or places that you love can cause this sentiment.
ReplyDeleteChristopher B.
When I read the first line of this poem I felt like I instantly connected to it. I recently experienced on a similar level that time alone will not clear the empty spaces in your heart/mind that you hopelessly wish to avoid. Yet as the poem progressed I didn't expect that it would take the turn that it did. By the spaces that you talk about through the speaker I interpreted them to mean the loss someone the speaker had grown very connected to romantically. The speaker shows the contrast between the differences in spaces one experiences when they say at the beginning that "It was easier to
ReplyDelete/Have spaces on/ my skin when/ There was nothing/ Thicker with senses I/ wanted/ To press it in". At that line it was clear that there were no emotional feelings present for the speaker to even feel some sort of loss in the space for, hence why it was easier at that time. I enjoyed how you showed the contrast between the emotional turmoil before and after a relationship one feels internally.
(there is no "after" in this poem. It all takes place at the "before" stage of a relationship -- a description of the feeling underneath "unrequited love," as it's called: when you've lost your autonomy, and you don't want to be alone, and ... God help you ... you're not allowed to reach out and hold the person you're thinking about.)
Deletespeakers emotional confusion more because of the spaces that separate his thoughts and sentences. By breaking up the sentences in between lines, I felt like the speaker’s love sickness was expressed because he was unable to even communicate full thoughts. I also loved near the end of the poem when everything stretches out and the reader can see the spaces between the words on the page that mimics the space the reader feels between his loved one. I also liked how the spacing mirrored the image of the speaker holding his breath ( “I’ve started holding the air”) and the idea of him trying to wrap his arms around a cage that is just too big. Is it significant that you placed “I bet you would” in the center of the spaced out poem? I thought it drew emphasis to how the lover the speaker addresses is sort of the center of his feelings or how she is the center of his universe/thoughts/actions. While the ending is sad and lovelorn I thought it gave the poem a complete feeling by referring back to the first question “What do I do?” when the speaker feels very lost.
ReplyDeleteNo -- it just fell there.
DeleteAs other people have mentioned, the structure of the poem is very interesting. In the beginning the zigzag appearance of the lines made me envision the instability and fragility of the speaker. When the poem splits into two branches the structure seems to explain this instability. For the branches illustrate how the speaker has been separated physically and emotionally from a lover, which results in uncontrollable loneliness and pain. After the poem branches off, however, it begins to come back together, which I think may be showing that the speaker is able to regain connection with the lover and retrieve some stability by reaching their love through memory.
ReplyDeleteI wanted it to look like a hug.
DeleteWhat first attracted me to this poem was its short, simple title. The word “ire” means anger or frustration and I can definitely recognize that mood throughout the poem. I think the poem also conveys a sense of desperation because the speaker is hopeless which is expressed in the opening line, “What do I do.”. He is lost without his significant other. Before, he was perfectly content with being alone. However, being in love creates a warmth and togetherness in such a way that when that love is gone, loneliness is heightened. Being by yourself is no longer enough and there will always be an emptiness and a feeling of absence as conveyed in the closing line, “I don’t like the space when I’m thinking of you.” I also really liked the line, “I’ve started holding the air and find my arms don’t stretch all the way around my cage the way I bet you would.” I thought that by “cage” the speaker meant his body and found that interesting because calling one’s own body a cage conveys a sense of feeling trapped. The speaker is trapped and does not know how to comfort himself without his lover. I also took the line to literally mean the speaker is trying to give himself a hug in comfort but it’s not the same as his significant other’s hugs. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteLilly Fabian
I meant it both ways -- the literal rib cage, the figurative self-cage -- when you write for brevity & punch, you've got to superimpose your meanings sometimes. Glad you liked it :)
DeleteI feel a connection to this poem, as the speaker wishes he was not alone or did not have so much space to himself, and I often find myself thinking this. When I feel crowded or overwhelmed by others, or I am annoyed by a friend or family member, I wish I could have my own space or be alone, but once I am given this space I sometimes feel too isolated and wish I would again have company.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWhile reading this poem I was overwhelmed with emotions. At first they were unidentifiable, just a bunch of random feelings that affected me to the point that I was crying, for a reason at the time unbeknownst to me. To be honest, I am still not sure why I was affected so much by it but I understand now what emotion was most prominent to me, it was fear. In life I have always valued self sufficiency, the ability to be happy in my own skin and just be, without relying on anybody else. This poem encapsulates how difficult at least it is for me at the beginning of a relationship to hold onto these values, and how terrifying it is. The loss of being able to function on my own when I begin to care for someone truly scares me. My personal inability to feel self sufficient when I fall in love is mortifying, I begin to not believe I can ever be happy just being me, and instead think I can never go back to just existing without them . In hindsight this feeling has led me to continue on in relationships when I should let go, because I am too scared to go back to being alone. Overall this poem brought a feeling I almost always feel at the start of a relationship into words and that’s awesome. Thank you. :)
I think you'll probably start finding (as you get to be 26-30) that sweet middle ground in relationships - where you feel self-actualized, even while you are falling in love with another person. People amplify aspects of what we are -- drawing out certain parts, that we like or don't like, in ourselves -- but those parts stay with us no matter who is touching them, or letting go.
DeleteThis one gets me, too. Not many of my poems do - that's how I know the good ones :) Glad you vibe with it.