One day, you will look back
On all of this {life} as pointless.
And yourself as waste.
One day, you will want
A fresh start for your aging face.
The next day {on a sad-sunk knee},
You will see life again, but differently,
Like a point you don't understand.
And yourself as a still-scratched
lens in a polishing hand.
And that will be the start of
A year of days where you wake
Up every morning—imperfectly—
And LOVE that, for giving your
{glass-powder falling} a reason to be.
Even from the perspective of a young person with little age to look back upon, I find it far too easy to become immersed in a world of my past failures. There is always something that I could have done differently, some route that I obviously should have taken. An opportunity that I ignored, a person that I should have treated better, time that I utterly wasted - all lost to the past. My mind puts emphasis on these mistakes, humbling my self-image. However, as the poem points out, these perceived flaws have the power to define a person’s whole reason to live. The same dejection that makes a life feel worthless can also be harnessed as determination to make something out of the time that is left. We as people are projects for ourselves, always working on a lifelong task with no end goal. The moment-to-moment labor of polishing oneself can be fulfilling enough, and it at the very least removes the mind from the past. Just like Sisyphus and his eternal toil pushing a boulder uphill, we are able to find satisfaction in the daily struggle of shaping ourselves into better people (whatever that might mean to the individual). Without barriers to overcome within oneself, being alive would be a far less interesting experience for everybody. I also find it very interesting that “giving [the] glass-powder falling a reason to be” is a source of love for imperfection. In a way, this process of polishing is truly one of removal. We feel quite content in scraping away the undesirable aspects of our very persons. It may bring a reason for existence, but it highlights the destructive nature of progress and makes me wonder if any productive alternative is possible.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't call polishing yourself destructive ~ that's the nice thing about being a living animal: we're always producing a little extra to shed along the way.
DeleteBefore reading the poem I did my best to understand the messages that the collage above it was attempting to convey. However to me each panel said something different, the only commonality between them seemed to be the fact that they gave general life advice. The advice seemed mainly directed towards those who possess an inability to live in the moment or think too highly of themselves. When I read the poem the first thing that stuck out to me were the words that were in a sense redacted, it led me to read the poem normally, then read it with the words inside the parenthesis taken out. The second reading was much less forgiving to the situation of being despaired with life and doing your best to find meaning again. To me the poem communicates a sense of feeling contempt with life for its lack of perfection, then accepting both it and yourself; this acceptance allows you to live life anew, freshen your perspective. Maybe that’s what the collage above the poem is stressing; the concept that you must not take life too seriously, or yourself too seriously, to enjoy it. The poem also alludes to the fact that you won’t stubble upon this acceptance until you’re much older. It definitely conveys a series of lessons both in the collage and in the poem itself, a series of messages about the way you should live your life and what you should and shouldn’t take into consideration; at least that’s the way I perceived it. I feel like I often get carried away in the perfection that I feel should be my life, that is to say the ways that I should be acting and the things I should do, so it’s a fresh perspective to take a step back and notice that life is not about those aspects at all. Life should be taken for what it is and cherished for what it gives you and that should be good enough, it should be something you cherish, and that should be enough.
ReplyDeletePerfection is the perfect goal, if the intention is to maximize anxiety, procrastination, and self-judgement. Enjoying the process and learning by doing... that's the path I see most people taking whose lives seem full and "perfect."
DeleteThe first stanza, saying you will eventually look back on your life as pointless and yourself as waste hit hard. I try not to think about existentialism too much, but it is hard not to wonder why I was put on this earth and what I am supposed to be doing here. Thinking about wanting a fresh start, in the second stanza, is also something that can sound scary. Wondering if you are choosing the right path in life- the right college, the right major, the right friends- is something that we deal with every day. I have to just choose the path I desire right now and hope that it is the right one. It is hard to think that every day I will wake up and have a different opinion, but it is true. I will have doubts, I will change my mind, and I will be unhappy with some of my decisions. That is just the way life happens. If it was perfect, it would not be real. My elementary school principal was very close with my mother, and she used to say, “when life is fair, it’s a bonus.” This is a lesson I have spent a lot of my life hearing and thinking about. My family has been through a lot this past year, and sometimes I have to remember that this is the way life works, because when it is fair, we are lucky. Hoping you are on the right path and moving in the right direction will not take you there, but it is still good to stay positive and try to ride life’s waves. In terms of the collage, the top right corner, which says “desire the reality. Not the awesomeness,” is very true. Desiring only epic things will make it hit harder when negative things happen. Sometimes, it is necessary to desire normal, mid-level adventures.
ReplyDeleteMy ex's dad took it farther than your principal: "If you're looking fir fair, you're on the wrong planet." There's this great documentary called "Public Trust," and near the end, this man who stays camped out to protect his local piece of wilderness from those who would damage it.
DeleteAnd he says something along the lines of "Ultimately, I don't think it's about our 'rights' or what we 'deserve'; it's about what we're willing to fight for."
That sentiment, for me (as you say), hits hard.
Thank you for this cautionary tale. I think everyone, myself especially, has had moments when they look back and say, “damn… I really messed that up badly and now I’m screwed”. This pervasive feeling of danger–that failure is around the next corner–is precisely what makes our lives interesting, difficult, and meaningful. From my perspective, the midlife crisis addressed in the beginning of the poem appears to describe someone who has failed many times and is struggling to find purpose. I believe that in the penultimate stanza, the person finds a new relationship with personal failure, realizing that failure and living “imperfectly” is exactly what makes it worthwhile. The opportunity to strive for greatness (judging yourself against your previous self for improvement) is what makes this human struggle unique. When moments of difficulty arise–hopefully every day– I like to tell myself that if I’m not failing, I’m not even trying. Now in reality, I don’t fail completely everyday or I wouldn’t be here typing. I walk the line between actually succeeding and pushing myself hard enough to failure that I can look back with pride. I think the image of polishing glass and removing imperfections as a metaphor for humans self-improving is interesting because it implies that we all started with something and refined it to who we are today. I think this could be true, but that life is more of a puzzle that we are continuously adding to. Whether we’re adding new skills, consistency in something we struggle with, or new ideas, or anything that we view as progress, we are still improving and that is what is important.
ReplyDelete"I think the image of polishing glass and removing imperfections as a metaphor for humans self-improving is interesting because it implies that we all started with something and refined it to who we are today. I think this could be true, but that life is more of a puzzle that we are continuously adding to."
DeleteI'll buy that. How about: life is like picking up a bunch of hand-lenses, then scratching them up and polishing them into our own personalized tool over time?
Because you're right, this poem isn't focusing on the full picture ~ just spotlighting that one recurring, very human moment where we teeter from “damn…I really messed that up" to "[I am] still improving and that is what is important."
Being a “still-scratched lens in a polishing hand” is the perfect analogy to describe my existence. Life can be pointless and seem like a waste, but isn’t also filled with everything that we love? Waking up imperfectly everyday and having a reason to continuously improve ourselves is one of those things. I find the scratched lens analogy very interesting because it implies that I am being polished by someone else’s hand. If I am the scratched lens, how can I also be the polishing hand? In fact, I do believe in a polishing Hand, in a God who is shaping me and causing my glass-powder falling. I see my past actions and I see myself in the present, and comparing them side by side is evidence that His polishing hand is indeed my reason to be. Therefore even at my lowest state, how could I consider myself as waste? Or when I grow old and useless and ugly, how could I dare complain for a fresh start, when all I am is the work of His hands, and what He has created can only be the most beautiful and perfect scratched lens? I think I’m lucky because I don’t ever need to desire awesomeness. I see it everyday; in my family, my friends, my future plans, my faith. I don’t need to manipulate myself to become better; I am not the Hand, just the lens. And finally, I am ok with being self-deluded, it does not make me upset. Regardless, the collage is carefully put together and very thought-provoking.
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