.png) |
| Reddit artworks by u/AshamedTap4567, u/Sketch_Study, u/3eyedsloth, u/juliaockert, and u/Reltish 2022 |
We caught up over cold drinks.
A soda and a beer.
He blew on his bottle like a flute;
I chewed my ice—from white to clear.
We talked about our weekends
And then back through our weeks;
We laughed-and-questioned our fresh
stories out. And then we didn't speak.
I looked to the table (more curious
on my face than in my heart).
He looked to a waitress's tight black shirt.
When she looked back, he turned with a start:
“SOooo—,” he said. “Um, so!” I said,
“There's a new movie out. It looks good.”
“Is it playing around here?” He had life-rings for eyes.
“I'll treat you.” We both understood.
For five peaceful years we'd been roommates,
trading stove-time and fridge-space and coughs.
But falling onto that quiet, after years, is strange—
like brushing someone's hand after the lights go off.
This poem resonates with my fears of relationships changing or disintegrating with time. In this poem, the two roommates had evidently been very close, but now there is a pervading sense of awkwardness and distance between them. They are only interacting in honor of their past connection, maybe to try to resurrect what they used to be, but it does not work. I have already experienced the slow death of friendships and the gradual, barely noticeable distancing between me and others who I used to hold close. People change. That is a fact of life. But I cannot help but wonder at what I have lost, and what I could lose in the future. Are these lulls in my relationships my fault? Why does everything have an inevitable end? But then I realize it cannot be helped, and that the only thing I can do is enjoy the moment, value what I do have. This poem certainly reminds me of the transience of those in my life, how I must treasure them when they are here, not yet swept away by the winds of life. And when that does happen, you move on, cherishing the memories you had with them, but also accepting the new connections you have yet to make. The collage seems to represent this unavoidable rift that emerged between the two roommates, with them as two pictures, unable to move closer together. The man is crying and the woman smiles with a tinge of sadness, but the only thing they can do is move forward, not return to the past and revive what was long dead.
ReplyDeleteLol - I was going for a feeling of awkwardness, more than nihilistic depression. I shared this poem with my good friend -- inspired by our sometimes awkward video-chats, on weeks when both of our lives are a little draggy, and there's not much to say, and we can't just go see a movie together... because he's in Ireland. But he took it much darker as well, like you did. I guess I'm the weirdo who finds these stifled silences funny :)
DeleteI'm happy to take your rhetorical questions in earnest, though:
"Are these lulls in my relationships my fault?"
Fault implies there was some sort of wrongdoing or mistake ~ so no: relationships are an interesting jelly between two ever-changing people. That gel does need to be fed, IF you want to maintain it. But often I find that mutually fulfilling relationships naturally maintain themselves: "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while. Saw ___ and it reminded me of you. Miss your face." "It has been a while! Wanna go on a hike next ..." And conversely, if maintaining the connection starts feeling like work or a chore, that's usually a sign that one or both of us aren't really missing that gel. In which case, totally reasonable to let it slip-slide away :)
"Why does everything have an inevitable end?"
Because everything is moving. An "Only Beginnings" reality would make this universe one cramped flower pot. Beginnings has a flavor: bright, sweet, exciting, unpredictable... Endings also have a flavor: dim, salty, weighted, predictable... neither of these are bad or even unpleasant, really. They balance each other. They feel fitting and right together; complete.
The date was the first thing I noticed about this poem, it was published the day after my 18th birthday. This last poem resonated with me differently than the other two because it made me think one thing, and then change my view again and again. The obvious awkwardness between the pair reminds me of teenage dating, that slow-burn start after only ever being friends before, or the “just getting to know you” small talk that only makes the date worse. What I related to in this poem was the overthinking aspect running through the girl’s mind, I know it all too well. The poem opens up a vulnerable side to me in that it brings my worried thoughts and insecurities to the surface. The girl, like me, seems to automatically believe the worst to be true, when really she’s thinking far too hard. What I see between the two is a sense of longing for something more, but never being able to actually have it. The awkwardness that fills the tension, the nervousness that masks their desires, yet the inability to begin. The deeper feeling of wanting their questions answered really stands out to me; the silence between them as they both ponder what they should say next engulfs them. In the collage, the pair face the reader, while the reader could also picture them looking at each other: the boy feeling worried while the girl attempts to smile away her own fears. I see two introverts attempting to open up, and failing miserably, but charmingly, in the process.
ReplyDeleteIn the past five years I moved three times (once to Virginia, then back to California, and then to another city in California) and each time it is bittersweet to say “See you Later” to the friends I made and “Hello” to new faces and new experiences. While I always wish to see my old friends more often, distance and busy schedules often prevent us from seeing each other as often as we would like. So, when we get the rare opportunity to see each other a similar scenario to the one you described often unfolds.
ReplyDeleteAlthough we are so excited to see each other, our expectations for the comfortability of the past overshadow the amount of time that passed and we are met with the relatable exchange described in “After Words...”. The stiff, awkward, and surface-level dialogue is painful in comparison to what is shared as illustrated through the short syntax and simple-physical descriptions which perfectly depicts my least favorite part of moving away.
A couple of days ago, I actually met up with a friend I have not seen in around two years and a similar exchange occurred, where at first we had so much to say until we found the awkward silence described in the third stanza, and the challenge was trying to fill the space. The filler words of “so” found their home in our conversation and hidden talents like “bl[owing] on bottles like a flute” started to try to fill the lull.
I think my favorite line, however, was “We both understood.” because while it is simple in structure, the understanding shared between the two is communicated. While both enjoy each other's company, they know there is an unwanted uncomfortability found in a relationship that used to be so regular. It also may be just from my experiences, but I found it comforting because there is still a bond shared between the two and while there is awkwardness, it is only temporary.
This poem caught my attention because it made me think of a scene from the movie Pulp Fiction. Mia and Vincent are in a diner together and Mia vents about how ridiculous it is that people feel awkward when sitting together in silence. She thinks that when people become truly close to one another they will not feel the need to talk for the sake of it. The two people in this poem obviously have not reached that stage in their relationship and are still struggling to make their experience less awkward. It might come from an innate desire to please others. Even if you might feel okay sitting in silence, you’re scared that the other person might not be and that is why you speak. But as that scene in Pulp Fiction proved, there’s only tension between two people until one of the two breaks it by making it clear that they do not feel like the situation is awkward. This poem also makes me feel bad for the two people because it seems to me that they desperately want to be comfortable with each other again but the friendship they built in the past was almost superficial and not based in deep understanding and care. Friendships that are built like this stand the test of time; the dynamic of the relationship will immediately return even after a long hiatus.
ReplyDeleteThe collage paired with this poem reminded me that the two people are eating together. In certain cultures, eating with a person is the highest form of intimacy you can achieve with another. Breaking bread together shows that two people share a sense of belonging and comfort with each other. The two in the poem think that they share this intimacy still, so they choose to eat together, but soon realize their past closeness is gone.