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Woke up in my bed as the sun went white –
inverse of the way I fell asleep last night.
Turned and kissed my pillow 'cause I felt so right,
I was swallowing the urge to scream...
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm aliii—ive”
Dropped down, with my toes; floor felt cold (what a gift).
At first my legs hung heavy, but as my pulse lifts,
The floorboards all start quickening. I feel that shift:
mid-neck, mid-chest, mid-arm –
thump-
thump-
thump...
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm aliii—ive”
Next, my skin is glowing, and I think of friends.
I find some food; I break it with my teeth, and then
just listen to its bubbling trickle round the bends
through layers of me unseen.
(But still,
I know that... )
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm aliii—ive”
My brain-folds chart the future while my hands touch now.
I feel the flex of focus fold around my brow:
A hunt for purpose, “Why?” and once I see it, “How?”
Like this, by this, this way:
(once only...)
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm aliii—ive”
There's a part of you
that's divinity.
There's a part of you
through infinity.
And it's the same part of you
that's inside of me;
It's the same bit,
the same bit.
The same bit,
the same.
It's the...
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm aliii—ive”
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm a l i i i — i v e!”
Sometimes we are single, but we're not alone.
And no body I've kissed was a complete unknown;
we're both electric,
fluid,
muscle,
breath and bone,
just following the urge to be...
“I'm a live,
I'm alive,
I'm alii i i ve!”
Lying down at dusk, here
clarifies my heart.
Samewise being hungry
makes my palate sharp.
I'll kiss my pillow
one more time;
to dream's an art:
the first step
is to feel,
all quiet...
“I'm a live, I'm alive, I'm aliii—ive."
I sometimes feel lost in the endless stream of thoughts and feelings throughout the day as one emotion flows into the next and I'm caught in a cycle of forced behavior and inauthenticity. Often, the only emotion I trust to be truly spontaneous, pure, and unaltered is whatever emotion greets me when I first wake up in the morning. I love the idea of “swallowing the urge to scream” because of how wonderful this feeling can be. The physical sensations of the feet on the floor, the blood in the veins, and the food flowing through the body have a beautiful rawness to them that I feel are only fully unlocked by a moment as unique and powerful as first waking up to the world. Each iteration of “I’m alive” is slightly different, as the state of being is explored and tested, but the experience enters a different stage when the “brain-folds chart the future” because the immersion in the present moment is lost. That’s the worst feeling for me: having broken an amazing moment of awareness and groundedness with thoughts that stray too far into deep-thinking territory. I appreciate how existence, connections, and individuality are further explored in the song, yet I can’t help mourning the lost connection with the objective space holding this body in the most basic sense. Maybe I’m still scared of the shift from senses to speculations because I don’t trust my higher-level thoughts enough. But, like the empty head diagram in the collage, I think we best interact with the universe through our fields of sight, sound, sensation, flavor, and scent. I think there’s a universality to those senses that is incredibly powerful in explaining everything in the most simple, silent, and clear terms. Just as I lose the purity of awareness throughout the day, ideas lose some of their resonance and depth as they become burdened by the limitations of language.
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