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Some video on the net
said scientists claim
love comes in a 1, 2, 3:
1 is like the opposite of repulsion
(where someone looks edible, not
just pleasant to be near but
hard not to dig into and
wrap around; like you
want them in your mouth).
2 is like kinetic insanity (where
every high climbs higher and
low lower, chemical {not
rational}, passionate {not
measured}; where you feel like
They're a nutrient you need).
3 is like the end of puberty (where the
body becomes familiar to itself,
less aching and red and gangly,
more cool and solid and thick;
where, like a callous, sometimes
taken for granted, you trust them
to be).
A craving, a hunger, a fullness;
A lust, a love, a bond.
I'm so glad that science has
mapped out that space,
because
I look in her eyes …
and
I'm gone.
An online science video – just a random click, sorry I didn't save it – was reporting on brain chemistry behind the “3 levels” of romantic attachment {(1) Sex Drive > that attraction, not focused on any one thing, a general hunger that we can feel anywhere; (2) Romantic Love > that intense and dedicated focus on a specific individual/s as a causal source of those passionate feelings; and (3) Attachment > that deeper understanding of and comfortable connection with another} – Helen Fisher, I believe, is a leading voice regarding this brain chemistry-founded categorization.
ReplyDeleteWhose eyes was I referring to in the poem? let's pretend I was just thinking of eyes in general wherein I've been lost without a map – I must still be at the 1st stage ;)
* Thanks Krista (beach sun in Isla Vista), Dani (sailboat at sea – Bora Bora), David (safe harbor – Greece), Julie (carnal cigarette-lighting & “hug me 'til …”), and Maria/Justin (bonded pair) for making this collage full.
Thanks for sharing! I really appreciated the outer structure you used in writing this poem because I felt that it did a great job of mirroring the way that you chose to represent falling in love / becoming infatuated / appreciating someone. Your internal clarifications also are an interesting way of allowing the voice of your speaker (which I'm assuming is you) to come through in what could have seemed like an artistic representation of scientific observation. However, I'm confused by your final stanza- whereas the rest of the poem appears to be in agreement with "some video on the net" and develops the ideas the video presented, I sense an almost ironic/sarcastic tone in the last stanza. Were you trying to be ironic? I felt that that must have been the case because in my opinion a human emotion such as love cannot be simplified into a 1-2-3 procedure. Please let me know your thoughts if you get the chance and thanks for all the great work!!!
Delete- Jack R
If by "ironic" you mean {"Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended," suggesting "particular lessons about human vanity or folly" - Am. Heritage Dictionary} then NO, I wasn't being ironic [& I am philosophically opposed to sarcasm's inherent condescension, so definitely not sarcastic].
DeleteI actually think the 1-2-3 categorization in this case reflects pretty accurately the general lust/love/attachment pattern that people experience (though, of course, every relationship is full of various and complex idiosyncrasies that make it singular and special).
So I'm being absolutely sincere in that last line: it's nice to know that there are scientists out there figuring out what our human bodies are doing chemically/physically that might explain why we go through these common patterns of swooning lust, obsessive love, and lasting attachment ... because meanwhile, I'm down here on the ground getting lost in that experience. <3 <3 <3
I like the stair shape that you used to mimic the steps of love. I am a bit confused about the first paragraph, using the words; “the opposite of revulsion” makes it unclear that your first stanza is referring to lust. Also, the word “chemical” in the second stanza implies a bodily attraction that one cannot control; this is more closely associated with the first paragraph. In my opinion, the third stanza uses the best metaphor (of puberty) “the body becomes familiar to itself” and the best simile (of a callous), “cool, solid and thick”. Both of these literary techniques represent the third step of love (attachment) so well and they both demonstrate experience.
ReplyDeleteThis poem appears to be an explorative insight about love which uses metaphor, simile imagery, and other literary techniques. I love that this poem is based on a scientific study, making an artistic analysis out of a factual investigation is very unique. Each stanza begins with an overarching topic to compare with and has a prose style of writing. Does the climax come in the second to last partition, after you overview the stages of love? The differing structure of the final partitions isolates them as an overview of the stages addressed in the first three stanzas. I like that you use intense language to help bring the emotion of love into the poem’s meaning. I am guessing that you are writing a love poem based on relations between two people ultimately concluding with a sentiment by the speaker.
~Ian K.
Close your eyes & imagine being repulsed (*not "revulsed" - when you quote, quote correctly ;)), that impulsive desire to recoil and turn away and avoid contact ... isn't that the opposite of attraction, the impulsive desire to approach and ogle and touch?
DeleteAnd "chemical {not rational}" is not to say "a bodily attraction that one cannot control" - it's just a different kind of logic ... that's why I specifically juxtaposed it with rationality - to emphasize the MENTAL aspect of that chemical attraction (love) as opposed to its PHYSICAL aspect (lust).
I stand by both my decisions.
Where's the Climax? The "point of highest tension or drama or when the action starts in which the solution is given"? Does that apply to a poem that is 90% set-up, where the action is only hinted at as existing offstage somewhere, where the lesson is still being learned and yet to be fully understood?
Guess that's your call ... if you really think the climax is the most important part, I guess you can always fake one.
I like the contrasting between body paragraphs and the ending. The poetically interpreted scientific discoveries vs the personal and romantic declaration at the end really caught my eye and tied the poem together for me. Much like in your Limbo poem, both speakers have to deal with the reality of love's complexities, yet in differing ways and points of perspective. Despite being a simple chemical reaction, love has remained one of life's most puzzling emotions, and yet people still try to solve it's complexities like a math problem or a dictionary definition. It's interesting to read poems from hundreds of years ago about practically the same subject matter and feel the same universal feelings that those poets must have felt.
ReplyDeleteAre you in any way inspired by the works of William Blake? Of the few poems I've read of his (A few from Songs of Innocence, The Tyger, etc) they bear a pretty solid resemblance to some of the ideas you touch upon in your poems. Your collages also seem to be influenced by Blake in a way.
Joe Luck
Blake is probably my biggest influence (followed by Erasmus, e. e. cummings, Paul Simon, and Stephen Colbert).
DeleteRe. this poem's uptake of an old message: "The head Sublime, the heart Pathos, the genitals Beauty, the hands & feet Proportion." --William Blake (Proverbs of Hell)
The idea of falling in love and growing to appreciate someone is conveyed in a really interesting fashion. The whole idea that this sensation happens to everyone, and yet no one ever thinks to categorize it interests me. The nature of human emotion toward other humans is a driving force behind our actions and the poem itself, specifically the last line of "I look in her eyes.../ and/ I'm gone" allows the universal, large emotion of love to connect with someone who hasn't really felt anything like it. This poem is less a moment than the progression of an entire relationship, because attachment seems to grow as a relationship grows within itself. The scientific aspect serves for definition, but the human aspect creates the whole picture.
ReplyDeleteYeah -- categories don't do you much good without the precious feeling that makes that affective territory worth mapping out in the first place.
DeleteI always thinks it's funny when scientists try to map out something like love in technical terms. Something as wild and different as love can't be so easily traced to one formula, or chemical reaction. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice." I think that's extremely true. I've never seen a definition of love that I think encompasses every single person's different version of love.
ReplyDeleteYet this poem...somehow seems to, in three short blurbs, encompass exactly every type of love.
The first, sex drive, can be a less permanent kind of love. One night stands, flings, "friends with benefits" type situations. Although society tends to look down on these, there is something poignant about two people, in such a short time, discovering a mutual need for each other.
The second, romantic love, is the one that I'm the most shocked at. Throughout my entire 17 years of extremely mature and adequate experience in the realm of love, never have I understood why each and every thing that occurred during whatever stage of this "romantic love" I was involved in seemed so heightened. But seeing it put that way, the highs becoming higher, the lows becoming lower, almost as if it was the initial high that kept feeding the flame in an endless cycle...it's the perfect embodiment of that kind of love.
The third, the attachment, is just beautiful. The imagery that you put along with the idea is perfectly matched, highlighting the normalcy and natural feel of this attachment. It's not an "aha" moment, its not something that changes drastically from one day to the next, it's a gradual process in which you find yourself inexplicably and totally connected to a person, without a start or end date as to when it happened.
Thanks again for such a fantastic poem!
-Sabrina Mongiello
Sounds like you like scientific taxonomies more than you think you do ;)
Delete... maybe if you think of scientific research as "experiment-based philosophy," that might help.
I can attest to these overwhelming feelings that definitely can be categorized by scientists because they are so inevitable. The feeling of “someone [looking] edible” and in a way you want to “dig into and wrap around” claims a person in an animalistic way. You want to understand their thoughts and savor it all first hand much like a child that shoves everything in their mouth to correctly understand the definition of the object. Once the understanding and attraction is established the insanity is so euphoric and loudly passionate. “Every high climbs higher and low lower” meaning that everything becomes dramatic, all-encompassing, and a matter of life of death. Poor Romeo and Juliet never really got past this stage. That third comfortable stage is the most terrifying however. There is calm and everything is fine so life becomes enveloped in the love. But then comes the death which is so much more painful. “You trust them to be” and you let down all your guards. But then they are gone and you feel like you will never be whole again. All the light is gone and you don’t quite know exactly why because you were so used to them. But its gone. Now the hungers take over and the hunt begins.
ReplyDeleteHow did death come into this poem?
DeleteI interpreted the death metaphorically in the sense of the relationship. There is so much passion and polarization within relationships that everything is heightened making it seem like a very important matter like life and death. But I felt the death more in the inevitable end of a relationship. Part of the spirit and euphoric life that came in the relationship dies and all the heartbreak that comes feels like a death in a way.
DeleteI wouldn't agree that there's an inevitable end in every relationship -- people who enter your heart always leave some sort of mark there, for better or for worse. And in that way, the relationship is always somewhat alive. We all carry so many people inside of us (and that's a big part of what makes us valuable in this life: we are keepers of others' stories and secret sides).
DeleteI found the structure and formatting of this poem as it mimics the progression of a relationship and brings special emphasis to words and phrases I wouldn’t have focused on otherwise. I feel the indentations for the listed stages of love move further and further away from the edge of the page and closer to the center as the relationship develops to show that each stage is separate from one another. It also shows that there is a definite shift into each stage rather than a gentle transition which I feel is particularly appropriate as these are the steps “scientists claim loves come in.” In addition to this, the specific use of italics with the words “want”, “need”, and “trust” in the first, second, and third stages respectively bring significance I would have otherwise overlooked. Those words seem to summarize first the physical attraction between two persons, then what could be called the honeymoon phase of a relationship where complete infatuation has taken over, and finally the more long term loyalty a deep and personal relationship can bring.
ReplyDeleteI have really only been in love once. Seeing this poem, I nearly laughed out loud because of how accurate these categories are once I thought about my experience. I was her friend before whatever it was changed between us; after, I found myself in 1. I wanted to hold her hand, not to simply hold her hand, but because there was something fascinating and attracting about the way her hand specifically had four whole fingers, a thumb, and a palm, all where they were supposed to be. I wanted to find excuses to see her and talk to her because of some kind of desire for her that I had not experienced for someone before. We moved onto 2, where we spent every second we could together and spent every second apart calling each other, writing each other, writing about each other. A day apart was torturous. We merely managed without each other, and reuniting was like sending our levels of tolerance for loneliness back to square one. After some time, we continued onto 3. We were comfortable with each other, and I cannot phrase it better that that “you trust them to be” (21). In each of these levels — though I was not conscious of these at the time — I felt the feeling of looking into her eyes and being “gone” (29), at some time or another, as the speaker was. You said in your response to another’s comment that you do not think that there is an inevitable end in every relationship, that instead every person who enters your heart leaves a mark. I think I both agree and disagree. Everything ends in some form another. Each level can mark the end of another. While my relationship with this girl did come to an end, she did leave a mark on my heart.
ReplyDeleteSome day, you may run into her on the street, or see a text from her pop up on your phone ... I want you to remember what your chest does in that moment. And then get back to me, and let me know whether that relationship ever really ended :)
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