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This never used to be a thing.
The idea [if I were a decade less –
The idea [if I were a decade less –
19 instead of 29
looking for pajama pants,
not a summer dress;
for a Greek pledge shirt,
not a button-down;
looking for a pony tail –
my dear, I'd chase you now]
That your smile's TOO bright,
TOO puppy-like,
Coachella makes you TOO happy
(I like Blur and Polica too,
but not cocks like Benassi).
I talk to {you} like I
Never would have when I was 22:
I'm so damn smooth
and confident and
Controlled about my id
That you crawl right in
Like flu heat, beside me
In a waiting room. And
Every smiling
Word you say is
beautiful and young.
You watch me
As I leave:
“Take care a'
yourself”
Wilts off my tongue.
50 minutes :) talked for 50 minutes with my friend yesterday – most of it trying to convince her that my self-imposed dictum “I am not going to turn 30 without a girlfriend”** does NOT mean that I now see dates and relationships as items on a check-list, nor women as a homogenous block of conquerable objects, nor myself as a substandard entity that needs a well-wrought facade of date-ability layered thickly over it.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I agree with her on all of this. But she – being a more fatalistic believer in serendipity and radical human individuality – was nonetheless sweetly concerned that I, in my quest for self-betterment through experience and familiarization, might inadvertently ruin some of that innocent and quirky charm that my “right” woman might be drawn to. And I tried to convey to her (not all that successfully – but thus is justified a life of constant practice and learning) that – while my ideal woman might come to me as a nurse willing to train up an aimless innocent, she might also come as a full-fledged and purposeful dynamo who might miss my innermost charms and quirks if they're still slimed in the thick afterbirth of relational inexperience: I am not on the hunt for a character – I am on the hunt to strip away the foal-legged infancy from my gait, so that the right woman will see me as mySELF (not merely my self's potential) in a sure-footed footed stride, exuding my nature. I've contained it long – and far too long – enough.
At my age, dreams are no longer events to sleep toward, but visions to start awake and chase for.
**(that's an 8-month window, by the by.)
* Thanks Julie (Cinderella, balloon ceiling), Christie (Korean Spring blossoms), Jessica (birthday wish) Kara (Buddha in repose) and Val (Euthanasia Coaster – invented by Julijonas Urbonas, Royal College of Art, London 2010 AD) for making this collage full.
ReplyDeleteThis looks great! I'm honored that one of my photographs was used. ;-)
ReplyDeleteThe notion and emotional analysis of age barriers originally drew me to heavily ponder the meaning of this poem. In our society, age is the ultimate defining tool in one's life; this encompasses the strict age divisions beginning in grade school, to job levels, to personal relationships, and numerous other important examples. The story of a man's internal conflict of whether it is "reasonable" by societal standards to love a woman who is much younger is a dilemma that is addressed in this poem. I believe that the meaning of your depiction of this type of situation implies that while age barriers are indeed present, they should not inhibit the man's perception that "every smiling word [she] says is beautiful and young." Please note that I am of course referring to legal adults in this situation. The greater meaning that I have interpreted is that a moment in life cannot be retrieved once it is gone, and therefore it is essential to grasp onto it and express yourself in that particular instant, despite societal barriers that might keep one from doing so. The ending of this poem is the traditional response of someone who is scared, and may be reasonably so, to express their emotions because of the potential negative response. People and society's sometimes unfounded judgment can be inhibitory to love in which a significant age difference exists; the feeling of regret that I perceived in the ending "wilt off the tongue" is the result of such inaction to convey one's heartfelt emotions to another individual.
ReplyDeleteSomeone recently brought to my attention that -- for better or worse -- I tend not to put too much stake in what society thinks.
DeleteThat much is certainly true in this poem: it is the story of the speaker meeting a girl in a waiting room (clearly of "legal" age, but also clearly younger and in a different life-place). The struggle voiced in the poem mentions nothing of social pressures, but lists off incompatibilities that make that girl ... no matter how enticing ... ultimately not worth pursuing.
The decision at the end is perhaps conflicted, possibly a little sullen, but by no means socially coerced: it is a personal moral decision (leave them young girls alone, old men).
Age influences our likes and dislikes. Obviously there are those exceptions with people obsessed with other decades or just into more mature things, but usually age separates the old from the young. Whether it be music or internet slang, the younger generations don’t “click” with the older generations. Especially when it comes to intimate relationships. An age difference can be an issue. Other than being of age, someone who is 21 is more into Coachella and frat parties, whereas someone who is 30 is more focused on marriage and work--they’re simply in different life-places, and their incompatibilities make the idea of a potential relationship pointless. The speaker of the poem knows that a relationship with a younger woman is not a good idea because she is simply too young and interested in different things. He still speaks to the girl because he is captivated by her youth and beauty.
ReplyDeleteI liked this poem a lot. Age is something that divides people in most circumstances which is understandable. When someone is older it's likely that they've experienced more and solidified their views or at least that's what society expects. Plenty of time people categorize themselves into specific boxes to fit in with their age group so they don't seem weird for enjoying things that are too mature or too juvenile for them. I've always found it interesting that older people reminisce on the times when they were younger and had less responsibility while those who are younger dream of growing older and doing things like finding their dream career and getting married. It's almost like no one is satisfied with where they are in life which can be said about more topics than just age but seems to be common among most people. I thought the part about Coachella was funny because when I think Coachella I never think of a 70 year old man hanging out at the stage with his friends waiting on his favorite artist but there's no reason why he can't. Coachella and Greek pledge shirts give this picture of someone younger and more excited about life but that stereotype stems from the media I've seen and experiences I've had personally.
ReplyDeleteI read this poem as an older man who's interested in a younger woman but his age is getting in the way of him asking her out because he's comparing his older self to his younger self which makes him feel inadequate. It reminds me of a movie I watched this weekend, As Good As It Gets, starring Jack Nicholson. If this is the correct interpretation of the situation at hand it makes me wonder if this man is truly interested by this woman or is it her youth that's drawing him in.
On the contrary, it's her youth that's pulling him away.
DeleteI can promise you -- with almost absolute certainty -- you'll have this experience someday. Someone young will come up to you, smitten by your confidence and self-assured charm. And you'll go "Oh honey, that's sweet. But you're way too young." It's like looking at a piece of your past: you know where they are, but you're not there anymore. So you just smile and wish them good luck. Because you've got your future to chase...and they're still exploring your past, because it's their present.