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She wanted the right man.
“I hate
shallow and judgmental fools,”
she printed on her profile.
“No
douchebags please. Here I wait.”
That right man glanced over—prepared
to embrace her interests, humor, soul—
“Such perfect words!” he swooned, “I know
I must not leave her waiting there ...
With such high standards, and confidence
that her purse-lipped selfies alone now inspire
me to write
'I love your personality! Your fire!
For I TOO am filled with hate for hate!
And I sense
That together, we could non-shallowly parade
through our city, shaming all bags-of-douche
and flaunting before them the flawless truth:
that we are non-judgmental, for God has made
A woman like you, and a man like myself,
who grow more in love each time we confess
to each other how humble and righteously blessed
we are—sometimes victims of someone else,
In which case we'll be cruel, but it's justified—
but when times are hard, and life is demanding,
we pick up our toolbox: proactively rebranding
our challenges and needs as faults in those outside.
And that is how we stay happy together.
We never fight, nor point out what the other lacks—
I mean, true, Tammy: your profile begins with attacks—
but in a long-term relationship?
I'm sure you would never...'”
He laughed, and then deleted it all away,
“Don't be a douchebag, she did say please.”
On her end, she saw typing dots … then they ceased.
“Pff,” she balked, “Another fool, another day.”
This poem’s dark humor made me laugh. This girl’s profile—the way she displays herself to the world—is pure judgment, hate, and irony. This whole poem is very relatable and definitely current. The number of times I have wanted to say something like this to a judgmental person who thinks they are above everyone else, but of course refrained out of politeness, is too many. We live in a world where we determine a person’s personality, popularity, or compatibility by a couple of pictures on their social media or their amount of followers and likes. Unfortunately, that only fuels more judgment and arrogance. This girl has probably dated a “shallow and judgmental fool” which has made her just as shallow and judgmental. I can see this exact type of person who blames outside factors for their own faults. The end had me laughing the most, “another fool, another day”. She will never find the “right” man because the only one that will date her will be another shallow and judgmental fool who thinks they satisfy her standards.
ReplyDeleteThe collage was also a great representation of the shallow standards on social media. It shows people who are full of insecurities and narrow-minded on specific qualities they think they would be most compatible with. It used to seem like swiping left or right and only seeing a person’s name and picture for second can be the most judgmental the world can get but the world is always changing and soon or maybe even currently, algorithms are pairing people together based on a couple of questions they fill out.
As an intense observer and witness to all cause-and-effect patterns, I have mulled over modernized romance and the new-gen default of something we call “hook-up culture”. The abrasive boldness one can assume online has not only promoted extensive cowardliness, but regressed all standards of communicating with respect. What I truly appreciated about this near-exchange was the sarcastic attempt at a response to the girl’s hopeless search for meaningful connection– something that should sound inevitably ironic if being sought for on a dating site. The emphasis with the italicized words and the fully-capitalized, exaggerative “TOO” characterize the irony of her desires. His wordy, head-first dive into this falsely-complex and wholesome relationship and his “goal” of a love so resilient that these two internet-lovers could stay “happy together” adds an extra layer of pedantic emphasis in the tone of his response. How could one ever expect to attract a partner of value or dignity if approached with crude demands and a broadcasted image of a desperate woman, just waiting for a man with a shred of humanity. As someone who proves to be the primary consultant to my eternally heartbroken friends, and the ultimate analyst of digital-user behavior, I have settled into my already-adopted mannerisms of being void of sensitivity and upholding consistent skepticism toward potential suitors. I am eternally grateful for my ability to think outside my heart and maintain emotional independence, a paramount and rare quality amongst youth– especially with the access to the internet and hyper-sexualized standards of this generation. I can only hope that our future technological developments will not breed a race of thoughtless, instinct-driven creatures, as byproducts of instant gratification and slaves to artificial relations.
ReplyDeleteAh, a confident expert I see. A challenge for you:
ReplyDeleteYour friend shows you a dating-app profile, and asks you which way you'd recommend they swipe...
The profile is this ~ "I am the primary consultant to my eternally heartbroken friends, and the ultimate analyst of digital-user behavior. Thus, I am void of sensitivity and uphold consistent skepticism toward potential suitors. I can think outside my heart and maintain emotional independence, a paramount and rare quality amongst people on this app. I fear this technology is breeding a race of thoughtless, instinct-driven creatures, byproducts of instant gratification and slaves to artificial relations."
How would you counsel your friend to respond, to avoid heartache?